Y’all ready for me to pry into the love lives of our readers?
Don’t feel bad, they get what they ask for.
If you have a burning question, I’m the brother to ask. Here’s how.
Send your inquiries to firstname.lastname@example.org, or find me on Twitter @etbowser. Just provide your initials, or a fun nickname.
Here’s today’s question:
Is it cool to tell your fiance that you don’t like your ring?
I love it when I get timely questions.
Last month, my wife and I marked our 10th wedding anniversary. Now that’s a drop in the bucket when compared to my grandparents’ marriage — they celebrated SEVENTY YEARS last week.
If that ain’t black excellence I don’t know what is.
Anyway, to mark our decade of martial bliss, I decided to re-enact the night of my wedding proposal, which I’d cap off by presenting her with a new ring. Now I realized early on that I couldn’t faithfully re-enact the original proposal, where I crept into her bedroom while she slept, loaded the area with white flowers and candles, woke her and dropped to a knee.
Nah, these days, the wifey is into world domination — she doesn’t sleep anymore, she just takes long pauses between blinks.
So instead of waking her with flora n’ flames like I did in November 2005, I just kinda slid up on her while she was sorta “napping” (dressed in all-white like I just left a tacky Puffy Daddy party) and gave her the ring.
She loved it.
But what if she didn’t?
I’ll be honest, I probably wouldn’t have taken it well.
Most brothers wouldn’t.
And that (finally) gets us to DW’s inquiry, and a point that’s often lost — at least among many of my female friends. Y’all may not realize this but many guys works VERY hard to find a ring that their love will, well, love. Personally, I had to recruit my future wife’s friend to help pick out her engagement ring because I was so paranoid about the process. Turning up your nose at a ring could make you see dismissive at best — and heartless at worst.
Now I’m not saying you should accept some gaudy monstrosity or a glorified Lifesaver your dude sucked on to fit your finger. If looking at that ring cuts you that deeply, it could have ramifications for your future marriage — you don’t want to walk into your forever already disappointed.
The only way to approach this is with kindness and compromise. Throw your arms around your boo, show genuine gratitude, but then a bit later (certainly not during the proposal), gently voice your concerns (“I like the ring but I think another cut would look better on my finger…”) and offer to accompany him when picking out the replacement.
Now it’s quite likely that his feelings will still be hurt. There’s no way to get around that. So before you go begging for another ring, make absolutely sure you can’t live with what you have.
For instance, if the ring is a family heirloom, DEAL WITH IT. If the ring you want is out of your significant other’s budget, DEAL WITH IT. If the ring doesn’t look exactly like the one Jay gave Beyonce, remind yourself that you’re not Beyonce and DEAL WITH IT.
There is no room for petty in a marriage.
Remember, a ring is simply a symbol of the bond between you and your mate, not payment for a life of indentured servitude. Don’t potentially wreck a relationship over a rock unless you really, really have to.
And one more question for the road:
Do you think tattooing your significant others name on your body puts a jinx on the relationship?
A Jinx you say?
Sorry, I was trying to keep the Pokemon thing from earlier going.
Anyway, we’ve talked tats here before and I’ve made it very clear that I don’t consider branding your boo’s name on your skin a good idea.
But no, a tattoo doesn’t automatically mean the death knell for a relationship. I think tats are often linked to failed relationships for two reasons — y’all get caught in the thirst trap and jump the gun, getting ink before the relationship has a chance to solidify; or lovers gets tats to signify that a dying relationship is worth saving. In both cases, the fault lies with the couple, not the tattoo artist.
Of course, I’m not saying that tats are bad and, yes, I know plenty of couples who wear each other’s names proudly and the relationship is still going strong.
But I also know people who now have to cover up their mistakes…
Look close enough at that rose and you can still see Biggie’s name in Faith Evan’s rose.
Whatever you do, just don’t get a tat of that Nicki Minaj Pokemon, OK, playa?