What Ever Happened to: The Boys

Last weekend, I reached out to my social media fam for suggestions for our latest "What Ever Happened to..." subject. Y'all delivered and dug up some great names from the past. (not literally - except in some cases.)

I threw all the suggestions together, fired up my trusty random number generator and let it rip. The winner: late '80s heartthrobs The Boys.

If you were a pre-teen girl in 1988 I'm sure you just screamed at your computer.

Let's relive the obsession.

Miguel says fan is OK after Billboard Awards plunge

Yesterday afternoon, my inbox started to flood with requests for yours truly to give the Billboard Awards my annual 20 Questions treatment. Sorry y'all, I had more pressing matters to attend to.

But I did flip over occasionally to see the end of Miguel's wrestling match.

I thought I had caught the stream of a WWE pay-per view.

Don't worry, Miguel tweeted that the fan is OK. 

That poor girl. Getting a face full of Miguel's balls was almost as bad as watching Icki Garbaj give Lil Wayne a lap dance. From Queen Latifah to Twerk Team. This what we've become, hip hop.

Image via

But I digress. You know where I place the blame in that terrible accident? Those tight pants Miguel was wearing. You can't gain distance when your crotch is being held in a death grip. I've been telling y'all for years skinny jeans would be the death of someone, and I always almost right.

Parents, for the future of our country, please don't allow your children to wear tight pants. How can they go for that jump shot on the court if their crotch is being suffocated? How can they run to their classes if their ankles are chafed? America deserves better.

Miguel, this starts with you. Please cut the Superman act out of future shows. 

Oh, and one more thing:

Listen Up: Rachel Kerr, "I Will Love Me"

Not long ago, I read (probably on something loathsome like Twitter) that there are "too many" girl-power anthems floating around.

Whoever wrote that probably doesn't work with young girls or have daughters. Trust me, they need all the guidance and encouragement we can offer.

Therefore, I welcome Rachel Kerr with open arms. You should too.

Kerr's rich vocals have been making waves across the pond in the United Kingdom. She recently wowed a crowd of 20,000 fans during a performance at the British Basketball finals. She's also been featured as part of BET's Music Matters initiative.

Kerr's single, "I Will Love Me," is pretty self-explanatory - a declaration of love in the midst of strife. It might sound cliche but it's a message that bears repeating. Kerr's vocals (think Destiny's Child with a dash of Angie Stone's huskiness) are the perfect vessel for that message.

Check out "I Will Love Me" below.




For more on Rachel Kerr, follow @RachelKerrMusic on Twitter.

Looking to share your music with the masses? Send a track with a short description about yourself to soulinstereoblog@gmail.com or hit me up on Twitter @etbowser. If we like what we hear we'll feature you in an upcoming post. 

Album Review: French Montana, Excuse My French

French Montana

Excuse My French (to be released May 21, 2013)

Diddy has to be the Houdini of hip hop.

In 2012 Puffy made me, the most critical rap fan in all of the World Wide Web's seven seas, fall for his protege French Montana. If you're reading this blog, you probably know Frenchie's lyrical talent is marginal at best and nonexistent at worst.

But with a little slight of hand, Montana was able to mask his shortcomings behind a sideshow of mesmerizing beats, all of which were the offspring of rap classics. "Shot Caller?" Yeah, that's A Tribe Called Quest's "Scenario." "Pop That?" It's just Uncle Luke's "I Wanna Rock." Their familiarity drew me in; their catchiness had me hooked.

After an endless series of mixtapes and about 1,000 false starts, Montana is finally ready to take his magic to the masses with his solo debut.

Funny thing about magic - once you've seen a trick a couple of times, it gets old. Fast.

Before I start complaining, let's look at what does work. While "Shot Caller" inexplicably was left off the collection, "Pop That" is here in all its ignorant glory. Make no mixtake, the concept is shallow and the lyrics are embarrassing, but it puts your eardrum in the figure-four leglock and refuses to let go.

Excuse My French often tries ratcheting up the ratchetedness of classic beats, but the results are mixed. "F*** What Happens Tonight" rides on Major Harris' "I Got Over Love" (also borrowed by the Dipset and InterWebz champion freestyler Eli Porter). Montana and DJ Khaled's usual cast of goons don't add much but Snoop DoggLion and especially Scarface administer corporal punishment on wax. "We Go Wherever We Want" is a reworking of "Ice Cream" by Raekwon, who also shows up to wreck shop. It's a solid track but would work much better without Ne-Yo crooning about his money. On the other end of the spectrum is "Freaks," which conjures memories of Chaka Demus & Pliers' "Murder She Wrote." It might be club-friendly but creatively it's pretty dull.

That's the story for about half the tracks on Excuse My French - repetitive beats that will get the club turnt up paired with repetitive hooks that will, well, get the club turnt up. "I Told Em," "Throw It In The Bag," "Ain't Worried About Nuthin," they all sound like the conception and recording time took about 15 minutes. Never heard his track "Bust It Open" before? Just repeat the phrase "Bust It Open" to yourself about 300 times and sprinkle few pronouns in there a couple of times. There you go. Laziness at its finest.

It also shouldn't surprise Frenchie fans that this album is LOADED with guests, most of whom seem to be on  autopilot. Rick Ross shows up to do what he does best, talking about "cake cake cake cake" on "Trap House" and how he's whipping work that smells like dinner rolls on "Marble Floors." Dude needs gastric bypass surgery ASAP. Meanwhile on "Marble Floors," 2 Chainz has his "cup filled with pink, I'm supporting breast cancer." I don't know whether to laugh, be offended, or shake my head at the state of hip hop.

Montana's lyrics? Oh, they're even worse. Dude attempts to rhyme the words California, Arizona, foreign and Taiwan on "When I Want." When his most quotable line on the album is "it's like pissing in the freezer tryna make canaries" on "Gifted," you know we ain't talking about Paid In Full-levels of lyrical excellence. Since when are urine-cut diamonds hot in the streets?

But as bad Montana's lyrics are on "Gifted," guest star The Weeknd totally steals the show. His familiar  falsetto is literally tailor-made for the haunting production. It warbles through the wailing guitars and and tinkling keys so effortlessly that you quickly tune out Montana. It becomes HIS song but it's on Montana's album so Frenchie reaps the rewards. He's smarter than you give him credit for.

On the intro to "We Got Wherever We Want" Diddy yells "Time for the smoke and mirrors to come down!" No one with a morsel of good sense would claim that French Montana is a good rapper. And while Excuse My French is littered with duds and moldy mixtape tracks, there are enough distractions around to keep the listener from totally tuning out.

Just like when the curtain was pulled and the great and powerful Oz was exposed as a fraud, he somehow still stumbled into success. French Montana still has tricks up his sleeve too.

Now excuse me while I go listen to "Pop That."

Best tracks: "Pop That," "F*** What Happens Tonight, "Gifted"

3 stars out of 5

Flashback Friday: Tyrese and LL Cool J

It's Friday, people, FRIDAY! Get excited or something.

As we always do, let's turn back time and revisit some of our favorites.

Henry Barnett shows R&B fans some love.

Tyrese, I Wanna Go There

Henry said: "One of my favorite R&B albums. It's one of the few I can listen to from start to finish without skipping a track. Just a solid album."




Also check out:
"Signs of Love Makin'"
"On Top of Me"

Edward visits Uncle L.

LL Cool J, The DEFinition (2004)

Edd said: "I reviewed LL's latest album a few weeks ago and while it's not nearly as bad as some reviewers claim, it's certainly not very impressive. LL's last great album was his 2004 offering, which paired him with Timbaland and birthed radio-friendly cuts and club smashes."




Also check out:
"Feel the Beat"
"Hush"

Now, it’s your turn. Email soulinstereoblog@gmail.com  hit me up on Twitter @etbowser, or stop by the comments section and share your Flashback Friday album. Leave a couple of sentences describing what makes it so great. I’ll feature your album on the blog.

Love Letters: Should Wives Submit to Their Husbands?

Got a question about your love life? I've got an answer. Just drop your queries into my inbox and I'll get around to them. Eventually.

Don't rush me, it's not like y'all pay me for this.

Send your inquiries to soulinstereoblog@gmail.com, or find me on twitter @etbowser. Just provide your initials, or a fun nickname.   

Here's today's question:

Do you think women should be submissive to their husbands?

KJ

Album Review: Eve, Lip Lock

Eve

Lip Lock (to be released May 14, 2013)

The year was 1999 and the art of female rap was in need of change. In most cases, the road to mainstream success meant flaunting one's sex appeal. And while there were a handful of notable female emcees who embraced a harder edge, they didn't enjoy the financial success of their sexier sisters.

Until Eve.

The Ruff Ryder's pitbull in a skirt merged sex appeal and street skills into a formidable package. She was the girl next door who could out-spit any guy on the block. She quickly became rap's leading lady.

The year is 2013 and the art of female rap is in dire need of change. Pop stars are now masquerading as emcees, cheaping the success of their foremothers. It's the perfect time for Eve to return to the game and usher in a new genesis of substance over style.

Sadly, Lip Lock, Eve's first album in 11 years (!!!) is not the revolution we've been craving.

"They had a little time, tried to be E-V-E/snatching the plate back, it's my turn to eat," she boasts on "Zero Below." It's horribly ironic because Eve spends most of the album reminding listeners that she's ready to reclaim her spot but winds up stumbling into the same pitfalls as her contemporaries - relying way too much on warmed-over pop beats.

The good news is that Eve's lyricism hasn't waned in her decade-long layoff. Too bad it's potency is swallowed in a sea of generic production. Evie reminds listeners that "the struggle builds character" on the inspirational "Make It Out of This Town"  while "Never Gone"serves as a story of perseverance. Lyrically, they're sound; Eve just doesn't seem comfortable in her own skin on tracks that sound like they were swiped from Taio Cruz sessions. "All Night" and "Keep Me From You" also beg on its hands and knees for Top 40 spins, with the latter especially sounding like the play cousin of Nicki Minaj's "Starships."

Singles "She Bad Bad" and "EVE" sound a bit more like the Eve of old but even they lack a spark to truly set them apart. The "She Bad Bad" remix comes really close, though. Guests Pusha T and even Juicy J amp up the energy set by the tribal chants and hand claps.

Lip Lock really needed a bit of innovation to launch it above the status quo. The brightest flash of creative brilliance doesn't come from Eve, but from guest Missy Elliott on "Wanna Be." Riding a beat that sounds like the old People's Court TV show theme, Missy first distorts her voice to sound like a 5-year-old girl, then loads it with so much bass that she sounds like an obese trumpet player. It shouldn't work but it does. To quote a friend who I spoke with just before writing this review, "life favors the bold." He ain't neva lied.

Before y'all flood my inbox with hate mail, understand that there's nothing wrong with making pop records. Some of Eve's biggest hits were crossover smashes. But the difference between those and most tracks here is that she tailored those lighthearted beats to fit her personal style, giving them a Ruff, err, rough but appealing edge. The one track here that exemplifies that is "Forgive Me" - a bouncy offering where Eve teases a man who is infatuated with her. It's very catchy, sounds somewhat unique and is classic Eve.

I really wish Lip Lock had more tracks like that. After an ll-year absence, we didn't need Eve to fit in to today's scene, we needed her to switch up the game.

Best tracks: "Forgive Me," "EVE," "She Bad Bad Remix"

3 stars out of 5