I’m a grown man who hasn’t seen most of the Pixar movies that people are obsessed with, but I was challenged to check ’em all out and share my thoughts. Join me as I watch ’em all one by one – see if I buy into the hype.
Movie No. 9: WALL-E (2008)
It’s funny, right after I watched WALL-E, I turned on this week’s episode of Agents of SHIELD, which featured 80s-styled rolling murderbots attacking the crew.
It made me feel some type of way after watching an 80s-style rolling trashbot Steve Urkel his way into finding robo-love and saving humankind from space obesity.
What kinda drugs do these Pixar guys take before writing these scripts? Normal brains can’t come up with this madness.
I had NO IDEA what I was watching for the first 15 or so minutes of WALL-E. Was this some sort of dystopian future? Why are robots makings skyscrapers out of trash? Is this a window into our post-Rona destiny?
Wear your masks or the trash bots of the future will be stuck scooping up your old Chick-fil A cups while watching Flavor of Love reruns.
Speaking of love, I’m pretty astonished that they were able to tell a robot love story over what is more or less a silent film. Thematically speaking, this might be the best Pixar movie so far, from the humanization of a couple of tin cans resorting to bleeps to show affection, to the commentary on the fate of a human race too addicted to tiny screens to see the world around them.
Except for those of you reading this on a tiny screen right now. Y’all cool.
Although I just said that pound for pound this may be the best Pixar movie thus far, I wouldn’t necessarily say it’s my favorite. The WALL-EEEEEEEEEEEEEE/EVAAAAAAAAAAAA cuteness got a little too saccharine for my bitter soul to take at times. They got so mushy I thought they were gonna unleash the CARE BARE STARE on the evil computer. Also, I wish we got to spend more time with WALL-E and EVE’s army of mecha-Goonies on the USS Thicc. They seemed fun but didn’t do much.
Still, this was an incredibly well-crafted love story between a rolling rusty lunchbox and a flying trash can with guns. I’ll even forgive them for stealing the main character from Short Circuit to pull this off.
4 stars out of 5.
A Bug’s Life
Toy Story 2
Next up is, um, Up. All I know is that it’s about a flying house (I think?) and that I’m allegedly gonna cry at the beginning. I only cry in movies where Mufasa or The Notorious B.I.G. are murdered so unless a lion or a GOAT (rapper) is in danger, good luck with that, Pixar.