I’m a grown man who hasn’t seen most of the Pixar movies that people are obsessed with, but I was challenged to check ’em all out and share my thoughts. Join me as I watch ’em all one by one – see if I buy into the hype.
Movie No. 13: Brave (2012)
Of all the great movies (…and Cars 2) I’ve either watched for the first time or revisited during this little jaunt, Brave is the one I’ve seen most recently and remember most clearly.
At this point it’s weird to see a movie that features humans and not fish or fenders or action figures.
I get what they were trying to do with Brave. Pixar was long overdue for a female-centric film that doesn’t portray women as just girlfriends or sidekicks. Problem is, it also feels like the studio’s first “Try Hard” movie: instead of developing a cool concept and inserting a strong female lead, it’s like a focus group said ‘it’s time to make a new Disney princess and cash in on dat Girl Power YAY.”
So, Merida and her overprotective mom are a lot. One minute mom is bickering with her daughter, the next she’s trying to force haggis on her sons. I can’t blame them for gagging, I don’t have to try sheep stomach to know I don’t want it. That’s just Scottish chitlins. Plus I can tell by the look of that dining room that they don’t have Lawry’s in the cabinet. Hard pass.
I get the mom’s frustration with life, though. She seems like the ONLY person on the continent who isn’t an overbearing meathead.
Then she turns into a bear. Yep.
And not even a classy businesswoman bear like the one Baloo had a crush on from Talespin. Just a big, regular dumb ol bear like Baloo from the Jungle Book. Without the singing ability.
Question: Why would Merida give her mom a cake a witch pulled from a cauldron covered in Ninja Turtles ooze and then act shocked when SOMETHING BAD HAPPENED? What’s with Disney princesses always eating witch food? I’m sure it tastes better than haggis but there has to be a better way to get out of marriage than poisoning your parent.
I remember liking Brave when I first watched it way back and while it’s nowhere near the 50-car pileup that Cars 2 was it feels incredibly basic and Disney-fied for a Pixar film. This is just Terms of Endearment with bears.
Brave is the epitome of “fine” with a side helping of “aight” and a big glass of “I guess so.” The Pixar equivalent of most of Drake’s music.
3 stars out of 5
Toy Story 3
A Bug’s Life
Toy Story 2
Next time, it’s a class reunion with my bros Sulley and Eyeball Mike for Monsters University. Well, I assume this movie is about school but you never know with these Pixar weirdos.