It’s been a few weeks, I think it’s time to dig through the Love Letters mailbag once again. Let’s see who I can piss off this week.
If you wanna get in on this, here’s how.
Send your inquiries to firstname.lastname@example.org, or find me on Twitter @etbowser. Just provide your initials, or a fun nickname.
Here’s today’s question:
Why is it men and women will let you go then about 3-6 months later they reappear? Is it that they legitimately miss you or they couldn’t find anything better out there?
To answer this question, I turn to a man Soul In Stereo readers are very familiar with. Please welcome Mr. Darrrrnell Jones!
Hey, Donell, you were in a situation like this once, what did you do?
I said I left my baby girl a message
Saying I won’t be coming home
I’d rather be alone
She doesn’t fully understand me
That I’d rather leave than to cheat
Soooo, you were bout to cheat on your girl?
If she give me some time
I can be the man she needs
But there’s a lot of lust inside of me
Um, playa, why does this keep going back to you sleeping with other people?
We’ve been together since our teenage years
I really don’t mean to hurt her but I need some time
To be alone
Sounds like you already hurt her, homie …
But when you love someone
You just don’t treat them bad
Oh how I feel so sad
Now that I want to leave
Playa, you’re dumping HER because YOU cheated? Why are YOU the sad one?
She’s crying her heart to me
How could you let this be?
I just need time to see
Where I want to be
Where I want to be
STOP MAKING YOURSELF THE VICTIM, YOU THE ONE CREEPING!
Sorry, y’all ol Donell was no help there. Playa can sing, though.
To THM’s point, lots of lads n’ ladies pull the ol Darnell excuse, leaving for greener pastures until they realize said grass isn’t always greener on that other side. And sure, some return because they don’t have any other option. Other times, they do return because they legitimately miss you.
What you need to examine is WHY they left in the first place. If it’s to pull a 1999 Donell and use their departure as an excuse to sow wild oats, only to return when the well dries up, that’s extremely selfish. However, if your mate truly realized that absence makes the heart grow fonder and they return with a renewed commitment to the relationship, I’m less salty about that.
Sometimes we need space to re-evaluate our lives and appreciate what we have. But if your ex is out here treating their departure like a sex vacation, you gotta question their commitment from jump.
So my cousin is married to a young man that our family isn’t fond of. On Mother’s Day she uploaded a pic of them on her wedding day with their son. Who uploads a wedding pic on Mother’s Day? But I digress.
Then she uploaded a pic of herself in a scantily-clad outfit (she was on vacay with the ladies) and in her upload said “Mrs [name redacted so she won’t sue me]!” I’m thinking she’s dealing with some definite insecurities about her marriage. What your take?
Ehhh I don’t know playa, your cousin definitely seems extra but this isn’t offensive to me.
Maybe she used that wedding day pic because her makeup was really good that day, ol dude was looking his best and the son was in the pic. I live with a woman who does NOT play about Instagram, she’s only posting THE BEST images for online strangers to stare at. Maybe their best just happened to be all three standing at the altar and their other family pics looked like the dusty guy from Charlie Brown.
Also, getting her grown n’ sexy on while shouting out her husband seems … a bit much. But maybe this was to prove to him that he was still on her mind while out having fun, while keeping creepers out of her DMs by outright saying I’M MARRIED.
I know it seems like I’m making a lot of excuses for ’em, but I don’t see any major red flags here. Sure, she could be overcompensating for some deep-rooted issues in their marriage, but it’s not a definite. She just seems like a very over-the-top person. And since you said the family ALREADY doesn’t like dude, it’s easy to nitpick every move she makes.
Something could be going, I guess. But I say let ’em live. They can be extra if they want to.