Love Letters: Does Payback Cheating Work?

the payback

It’s the first Love Letters of 2019!

And not a moment too soon – we’re quickly closing in on Overpriced Flowers and Chocolate Day so it’s time to weed out the weirdos in your life. Let’s find you a bae with good sense.

If you need me to butt into your personal affairs, here’s how!

Send your inquiries to, or find me on Twitter @etbowser. Just provide your initials, or a fun nickname. 

Here’s today’s question:

Does payback cheating work?


2019 is a weird time, where the most celebrated “singers” are rappers and the most celebrated “rappers” can barely speak English.

So it’s no shock that our priorities are mad screwed up, even when it comes to dating.

Payback cheating aka revenge cheating certainly ain’t new, but in this world of “you kill my cat, I’ll kill your dog and put the vid on Snapchat to draaaaag you,” it’s certainly become more justified.

And it sure doesn’t mean it’s less stupid.

You know the phrase, “fight fire with fire?” Have you thought about how truly illogical and damaging it really is? If your kitchen is on fire, throwing a firebomb at the blaze will do nothing but BURN YOUR ENTIRE HOUSE DOWN.


Same goes for payback cheating.

In the short term, it’s instant gratification – the feelings of pain and betrayal you’re wrestling with gets cast off on your unfaithful partner. Now you get to watch them squirm. In theory.

In the long term, your house is burning down.

Your attempt at evening the score is only gonna produced not one, but TWO unfaithful partners, which means:

  • There won’t be much healing to take place, making salvaging the relationship MUCH harder
  • Any semblance of trust is completely gone on both ends
  • Get ready for your partner to throw your unfaithfulness back in your face
  • You’re NOT gonna make your partner feel victimized. Instead, he or she will just feel justified in cheating in the first place

I can keep going but I’m not trying to make my carpel tunnel flare up.

Essentially the only thing revenge cheating does is allow the original victim to be petty and gives them a flimsy excuse to hook up with someone else.

If that’s what you wanna do, just break up with the person and go have your fun. Revenge ain’t solving anything. It’s just more fuel to the fire.

One more before we get outta here:

So is it safe to say I have a certified stalker? Some months back an on-and-off again ex of mine call it quits once again. He told me he didn’t want to deal with me, point blank period. So I moved on. I blocked him from my social media. Next thing I know he unblocks me on pages he had blocked me on prior on IG and FB. He pops up on friends’ posts when I say something on their pages.

Last month when I was at happy hour with my gf she posted a pic of us (she’s still friends with the guy on social media). I leave happy hour and about an hour later she texted me to say he popped up there with his boys. He went over to her and said “I thought you were here with your girl.” I’m like WHOA.

What is your take on this clown? Am I in a Lifetime movie?


Is this really what y’all deal with in 2019? My life is too busy for all this blocking and unblocking and checking to see who is and isn’t banned from somebody’s page.

I’m not sure if this qualifies as legit stalking, but it sure qualifies as “keeping tabs” on you. It’s the whole “I don’t really want you RIGHT NOW, but lemme keep an eye on you in case I change my mind” deal. So on the surface, he pretends that he’s done while staying up on your latest.

And if you ever post a pic boo’d up with another dude, watch him run to your DMs to play nice again.

HOWEVER, this keeping tabs things goes both ways: How would you know you’ve been blocked from his pages unless you went and visited them yourself?


Seems like you also have been trying to keep up with him as well.

And therein lies the problem, playa. You need a clean break. If you’re done with this guy, be DONE with him. Let him post comments on your page, let him run up behind your friends – ghost the brother. Ignoring him will deal him the biggest blow. But the second he realizes that you are paying him the slightest attention, he’ll be justified in his weirdo actions and the cycle will never end.


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