Love Letters: My Boyfriend Cheated With His Ex. Is It Fair to Tell Them to Stop Being Friends?

we cant be friends

The holiday season is almost upon us. If you’re having second thoughts about bringing your new love to your Thanksgiving table, hit me up first.

And bring a plate while you’re at it. Just make sure the collard juice doesn’t run into the ham. That’s gross.

Send your inquiries to, or find me on Twitter @etbowser. Just provide your initials, or a fun nickname. 

Here’s today’s question:

I have been seeing a dude for a few months and recently left for travels for three months. Long before I left town dude told me that he was still friends with his ex. However I found out recently that dude was getting his 12 Play on with his ex while I was traveling. Now that I’m back he’s stopped fooling around with her but he still hangs out with his ex platonically.

Am I allowed to tell my boyfriend to stop being friends with his ex?

Unfriendly Skies

Well, let’s look at the evidence here:

– Your boyfriend readily admits that he’s still spending time with his ex

– The second you turn your back ol’ boy is double-dipping in someone else’s queso

– And now that you’re back he’s STILL hanging with the woman he creeped with

You don’t need this weirdo to crack the case


Send that bum you’re dating to the recycle bin.

I feel like we talk about platonic friendships every other post in this space. Allow me to clarify:

“Friends with benefits” =/= platonic friendships

“Friends with benefits” = side piece

I ain’t make the rules, I’m just echoing them.

I’m a believer in second chances, and Unfriendly didn’t clarify if there was a conversation where this guy profusely apologized and vowed to never pull this garbage again. I can only assume that happened – if not, I’m not sure why we’re even having this convo. You should have made dude disappear like J-Kwon’s career if that wasn’t the case.

However, even if he has apologized and you’ve forgiven him, you have every right on Earth to demand he cuts ties with his ex. This isn’t the usual case of “insecure dater feels threatened by person from the past.” They’ve both breached your trust and if he’s really committed to you, he’ll understand that and leave his past behind.

But if he ain’t willing to let go, make the decision for him. Bounce.

Next question:

So please settle this: Why is it when women are aggressive we are thirsty but when men are aggressive they are just going after what they want?


Ah, we haven’t done this awhile, so say it with me, kids:

G E N D E R R O L E S!!!

Society has long perpetuated the stereotype of the forward, aggressive man as a go-getter, a good ol’ boy who is not afraid to get the job done. Women, therefore, should be mild, meek, demure and willing to patiently wait to be chosen, like a puppy at the pound. Flipping those roles paints men as weak and passive and women as domineering and obnoxious.

Don’t get me wrong, I get that many guys prefer to initiate dates, and many women like men who aren’t afraid to take charge. That’s perfectly fine. Do you, boo.

But that doesn’t mean it’s wrong for a woman to speak up when she’s interested in a guy, nor should she be slandered as being “thirsty.”

It’s 2018, y’all, society has evolved. Little House on the Prairie is no longer the archetype for the American family.

Ladies, go for what you want.



  1. It’s usually just girls don’t need to chase guys because they are chased by guys all the time. But don’t expect the one you want to always come chasing you. If you are attracted to someone and really like them don’t be afraid to take a shot. Men get rejected all the time and still have to take a shot all the time. You will never know if you don’t try. On the other part of the article, if a guy is hanging with his ex and you know they hit it, don’t ask them not be friends anymore, just move on you can do better, find someone better. –

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