Love Letters: Are Ugly Engagement Rings Worth Shaming?

single ladies

A few days ago in The Soul In Stereo Cypher on Facebook (if you haven’t joined yet, step your game up) Ashley Trotman trigged an interesting debate, one that was just dying for the Love Letters treatment.

Before I start ranting and/or raving as per usual, here’s how you can get in on the conversation:

Send your inquiries to, or find me on Twitter @etbowser. Just provide your initials, or a fun nickname. 

Here’s today’s question:

SO what does Mr. Edward think of ring shaming type groups?? This lady in a group I’m in got thoroughly roasted about 2 weeks ago and a snitch posted it to reddit and we are still feeling the flames.

I only know about these type groups for the past month b/c Facebook suggested it after I looked up a different group when that bride posted about being upset her guests wouldn’t cough up a $1k entry fee to pay for her wedding.

Everyone loves a trainwreck when they aren’t on said train.

The lady AND her boyfriend are still in the group posting and commenting away. She put herself out there like everyone is welcome to do every Self Shame Friday and well, yeah.


And here’s the link to the story she shared, entitled A woman shamed her boyfriend’s ring choice — and the internet wasn’t having it 

I’m glad the Internet wasn’t having it CUZ I’M NOT HAVING IT EITHER.

But before I yell at strangers I’ve never met on social media, allow me to tell my story.

It was the fall of 2005, back when the radio was driving me nuts by playing Mariah’s “We Belong Together” on an infinite loop and we thought the Bush Administration was as low as the presidency could go.

Oh if we only knew the coming horrors of the future.


Him too cuz he sucks.

I decided it was time to propose to my longtime girlfriend. But the only piece of jewelry I had ever purchased for her was a pendant thing – that she never wore. Since I didn’t want to drop several Gs on another piece of jewelry she would likewise never wear, I enlisted the help of one of her close friends. That friend suggested a good local jewelry shop (I wanted something unique to the city) came with me and helped me pick out a ring that my future wife would love.

And she did love it. Not because it was the ring was the size of Lil Bow Wow – it was pretty modest in size, actually – but because it came from the heart and would symbolize our growing love.

Listen ladies I’m just gonna keep it a buck – y’all have this weird habit of expecting men to be Professor Charles Xavier with the ability to read minds. You often “drop hints” that will fly right by us instead of outright stating things.

And fellas, sometimes we just KNOW that we have a perfect understanding of what women want without doing proper research. You know where that gets you? An unworn pendant sitting in a drawer somewhere for going on 20 years.

I said that to make this point – with that lack of clear communication, it’s very, very easy for a well-intentioned guy to pick out a ring that his woman hates.

So to go back to Ash’s initial question, that’s what pisses me off about “ring shaming” groups. The guy had good intentions. His heart was in the right place. He did it FOR YOU.

So why are you gonna throw his mistakes on social media for likes and LOLs?

If you’re looking for validation from people you’ve never met instead of the guy you want to spend forever with, you are NOT fit for this marriage thang, boo.

I’m sure supporters of these groups will say it’s a community and it’s an open forum to discuss frustrations and blah blah I DON’T CARE. First rule of marriage – treat your partner like you want to be treated. And y’all know y’all would hit the ceiling if you found out your partner was airing grievances about you on the web for er’rbody to see.

If you partner gets you a ring that is just totally unacceptable, here’s a thought – talk to your partner about it privately and come to a consensus. The whole world doesn’t need to know your issues. Yes, feelings are likely gonna get hurt so tread with caution.

Y’all gotta remember, marriage isn’t about winning a massive piece of free jewelry to show off, it’s about building a life together.

Get your priorities straight and get off of Facebook.


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