Love Letters: My Ex’s Wife Friended Me on Social Media. Should I Worry?

looking at me

What a weird, angry week it’s been in the world of music.

Nicki Garbaj’s sales are slumping, so she airs out her ex for purchasing a new hairline on her die. Of course, this is coming from a woman whose entire physique was purchased at the Build-A-Bear Workshop, so whatever.

Meanwhile, Teyana Taylor and Jeremih are yelling at each other on social media over who should headline their tour.

It’s like I’m playing Marvel vs Capcom Infinite but with lamer characters to select from.

Let’s inject a little love into this hateful week. If you’ve got any love questions, I’ve got answers.

Send your inquiries to, or find me on Twitter @etbowser. Just provide your initials, or a fun nickname. 

Here’s today’s question:

Recently an ex hit me up on IG and FB. I accepted his friend requests. The next thing I know his spouse is friending me after I made a comment on his page about one of his kids. I thought it was spooky. I don’t know her, I know her husband. Is this a case of her being jealous? Is she really trying to be my friend or is she trying to keep her enemies (or who she perceives as a threat) close? I’m confused.


Typically when I get questions like this it’s from the spouse’s point of view. And this is one of the few times where everyone is somewhat justified in their actions.

I said SOMEWHAT. Give some of y’all an inch and you’ll take the whole green mile.

Before some of y’all jump down MF’s throat screaming WHAT DID YOU EXPECT YOU TALKED ABOUT HIS KIDS THAT WOMAN DON’T KNOW YOU, let’s look at things rationally.

Your ex reaches out to you after an extended period of time (I’m assuming the relationship didn’t end on sour terms, since MF was open to the friend requests). You accept the requests, then suddenly his spouse – and lord know who else – are suddenly keeping tabs on YOUR page like


And yes, make no mistake, this spouse is clocking ya (Versace shade watching ya). Whether this is because she doesn’t trust you, or she doesn’t trust her spouse, or she’s just trying to figure out who you are, I can’t say for sure.

I keep reminding y’all, I’m good at this but I haven’t mastered telepathy yet.

But the question remains, is it OK for this woman to mildly cyberstalk MF? In the words of Whitney, It’s Not Right, But It’s OK. Sort of.

We’ve talked before about spouses having friends of the opposite sex, and while I certainly don’t recommend it for every couple – there has to be a trust and maturity on all sides, a rarity in 2018 – it CAN work. The only way it works is if there are no secrets and all parties are open and honest with each other. For instance, my wife knows all my female friends, and I know her male friends, including the ex dudes that she’s still cordial with.

And no, I don’t mind being around her ex’s. Most of them are pretty cool.

Besides, they lost and I won. History is written by the winners, playa.


So yeah, if you wanna be friends with this guy, MF, you’ve gotta at least be friendly with his wife. I can’t blame her for sending that request. Now if wifey starts harassing you on Facebook, that’s another story. But I see nothing wrong with her reaching out to any of her husband’s friends – especially the ladies with history.


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