Love Letters: Should I Tell My Old Classmate I’m Dating Her Ex-Husband?

bad and boujee

Happy belated V’Day!

I had planned to special super-sized Valentine’s Edition of Love Letters…

… but then I got busy. And y’all don’t pay me enough to pull in overtime to get these things done.


Better late than never, right? Here’s how you can submit a question of your own.

Send your inquiries to, or find me on Twitter @etbowser. Just provide your initials, or a fun nickname. 

Here’s today’s question:

I am currently dating a young man I went to high school with. He’s a year younger than me. We are getting along just great but he was married to another classmate of ours that graduated with me. His former spouse and I go back as far as fifth grade. We are associates but not friends like that. It feels very awkward just because I see her a lot around town and feel weird about dating her former spouse. I feel like things are getting serious between us. What should I do? We have a reunion coming up and it’s going to become a soap opera when I walk in with him.


Well, good for you for being considerate of your ex-classmate’s feelings. And I’ve warned y’all in the past of the dangers of dating your friends’ former beaus – things can get uglier than a Lil Yachty sex tape.

But in this case, you and the “friend” in question aren’t really friends – not in the truest sense of the word anyway. So what do you owe her to make things right?

Not a durn thing.

2017 is weird. Thanks to social media giving unprecedented access to our lives, we’re often pressured to give people we rarely see or barely know the keys to our personal kingdoms.

Y’all can like as many of my Facebook posts as you like – if you don’t know my middle name or know how many siblings I have you can’t expect to have the same level of personal access to my life as my closest friends and family. Y’all don’t have to know EVERYTHING.

But TMH isn’t wrong to feel weird about her dilemma. I remember meeting my future wife’s ex-boyfriends way back in the day and expected the confrontation to wind up on World Star. But it was cool and we’re all friends to this day.

While I don’t think you necessarily owe an explanation to this sorta-acquaintance of yours, I’m not against giving her a heads-up. However, that’s probably best coming from her ex-husband, not you. He’s the one who had a relationship with this woman, he clearly knows her better, and although the woman is almost often fingered as the “homewrecker,” you, of course, did absolutely nothing wrong and he should be proud to stick up for you if slander starts flying.

Or, he could opt to say nothing to his ex-wife. And I can’t fault him if he decides to ignore her – it’s not her business anyway.

Things may very well be awkward between you going forward but don’t bear this burden alone. Besides, the only opinion you should care about is that of your man.

Question No. 2:

So I’ve met a wonderful young man. We have good conversation but when we went out on our first date at a lovely restaurant he pulled out a Groupon. It turned me off. Now am I being boujee?


You’re complaining about a dude using a Groupon for a meal YOU didn’t pay for?



Hey favorite writer, I need a male’s opinion on this. Why is that when you get into a relationship, everyone and they mama want you, but when you’re single, no one gives you the time of day?


This is by far THE most asked question in Love Letters history.

It’s often said that when you’re in a relationship, you carry yourself differently – you walk taller, you dress more confidently, you’re radiant – and that attracts people. Of course, to believe that theory, it must mean that all single people dress like dirty hobos and lurch around in the shadows like Gollum from Lord of the Rings, and that’s why no one wants you when you’re solo.

Playa please.

In my experience, it’s just been a mix of Murphy’s Law and poor luck – it’s the same reason why your coworkers bring doughnuts to the office on the first day of your diet. Life is just a cruel mistress that way sometimes.


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