Love Letters: Do 50% of Women Really Have a ‘Backup Husband?’

bring it back

Got a love question? I’ve probably got a love answer. All you have to do is hit a brother up.

Send your inquiries to, or find me on Twitter @etbowser. Just provide your initials, or a fun nickname. 

Here’s today’s question:

A new Fox News study (yes I know coming from Fox News I have no business repeating it) says that 50% of women have a backup lover. If this is true why do you think this is so?


Fox News? I thought I taught y’all better than that.

Anyway I decided to do something Fox News is entirely unfamiliar with and conduct a little fact-checking. The homie DW was right: A Daily Mail survey released last September found that half of 1,000 married women surveyed admitted that they do indeed have a backup husband — basically a dude who is waiting in the wings in case the marriage doesn’t work.

Oh, it gets worse.

One out of four women admit that they still have feelings for the Plan B brother.  And 20 percent said this dude will drop EVERYTHING to be with her if she so desires.

Apparently relationships are so bad that y’all gotta keep spare husbands in the cabinet like packs of Chick-Fil-A Polynesian sauce. We need to do better.

For the record, it’s important to remember it’s just half of the women surveyed who are shady, not half the women on the planet. I have more faith in humanity than that.

Still, what do I make of the findings, you ask? Well, it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy if you ask me. In a country where the divorce rate is currently around 44 percent; where busy work schedules keep us divided; and over-reliance on texting and social media is killing real-life communication; it’s easy for couples to be paranoid about the state of their marriage. So you keep a spare side piece, just in case.

And with someone waiting in the wings, it’s hard to give your current relationship your all. Is there really any surprise why some relationships crumble so easily?

These ladies keep a side piece in case they get hurt, not realizing that they’re actually increasing their chances of heartbreak.

I’m pretty sure I don’t have to tell y’all that keeping a backup bae is a really, REALLY bad idea. But y’all are ’round here watching Fox News too so I can’t take anything for granted.


When dating a man or woman with children is it cool for the kids to call you mom or dad when things get serious such as engaged or marriage?


I have quite a few friends who are in blended families and this comes up a lot. And let me tell you, playa, let a mom find out her child is calling her babydaddy’s new woman mom — HANDS GET THROWN.

In this case, I’d defer to the child’s birth parent on this one. If a soon-to-be stepparent is a strong presence in a child’s life — AND if his or her mate is also cool with it — I don’t see a problem with being acknowledged as mom or dad.

If you’re dating a single parent, let the child or your partner determine if you should be anointed with that special title. Don’t bestow it upon yourself.

Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

tanisha tea


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