If you’re a fan of Love Letters , wait till you see what reader LC has poppin’ for us this week.
But before I start doling out wisdom, peep how you can get in on the action.
Send your inquiries to firstname.lastname@example.org, or find me on Twitter @etbowser. Just provide your initials, or a fun nickname.
Here’s today’s question:
I began dating a lovely young man about five years ago. He came with a 7-year-old daughter whom I have longed believed not to be his. One day when she was over the house I was doing her hair and I took a piece of it along with my man’s toothbrush to a lab my friend owns (she’s a contract chemist for the government). She tested the toothbrush against my man’s daughters and just as I thought she isn’t his child. I’ve held on to this information for about a month. I don’t know what to do. She’s 12 years old now. I know she and he will be devastated but I don’t think it’s fair for him to take care of a child that’s not his either.
What do I do?
I’ve been doing these Love Letters features for at least five years now and this is BY FAR the most insane question I’ve ever received.
And here’s the cold truth: There is NO WAY LC drops this bombshell without somebody getting blown up.
Lemme tell you why this is all bad.
I’m not sure what gave you the hunch that this young girl was not really her dad’s blood, but going all CSI – stealing hair and spit like you’re planning a hoodoo curse – is WAY out of line, pimpin’. Did you mean well? I’m sure, but it’s still a blatant breach of trust – and I’m not talking about his babymomma’s alleged lack of trust. If this brother is anything like me, he won’t take too kindly to these ratchet Ancestry.com games that have gone on behind his back. If you had questions about his child, why not go to him first?
And I won’t even get into the babymomma. If she’s capable of concocting an alleged 7-year-old lie, how do you think she’ll react when her cover is blown?
There is absolutely no way this goes over well. If you tell your man about your ghetto science project, he may never trust you again. If you go to the babymomma, she’s gonna deny it – I mean she’s been already denying it for years anyway.
At this point, though, there is no way you’re going to be able to hold your peace. So go to your man and tell him everything. And I mean everything – how you were suspicious, how you snatched the baby’s hair and his funky toothbrush, what your Mr. Wizard friend discovered in the results, EVERYTHING. Gloss over nothing.
He’s gonna be LIVID – at his daughter’s mother, at you, probably at the world too. And I don’t blame him one bit. But what’s done is done. Tell him what you’ve found, then leave the ball in his court. This info, whether it’s legit or not, is HIS info to do with what he pleases. So once you’ve delivered the news, stay out of it, you’ve done enough.
I don’t care what Maury n’ dem told you, here’s the only truth we know for sure: That man is the only daddy that girl knows. No matter what a blood test says, he IS her dad. I hope all y’all remember that.