What a nice coincidence: I had already made up my mind to write up something on today’s topic, but later received a message from a reader requesting that I weigh in on the very same issues.
Truly, it was meant to be.
Or, my rants are so predictable that y’all have figured out the pattern. Eh, as long as you keep reading it’s all good.
And along those lines, if you have love questions, I have love answers.
Send your inquiries to firstname.lastname@example.org, or find me on Twitter @etbowser. Just provide your initials, or a fun nickname.
Here’s today’s question:
A 40-year-old Texas woman married herself last weekend. The reason she married herself is because she was not a wife by 40 as planned. In light of this event do you think there are no more good men out there or do you think women are just too picky?
Our friend Wedding Planner did a good job recapping events, but allow me to dive in with a bit more detail. Yasmin Eleby told herself that if she couldn’t find a man by age 40, she was gonna marry herself. So last weekend, her mom walked her down the aisle as she said her own vows (to herself) in the presence of her 10 bridesmaids (!) and guests.
Y’all better be glad I wasn’t at this wedding I’d be in the cut like:
As I’ve already expressed over on The Books of Face, I have no problem with a women (or man!) who wants to celebrate her self worth. I wish more people were willing to love themselves instead of seeking approval of others.
But guess what? At its core, this silly ceremony is nothing more than a chance to seek approval of others. Why else would you make a giant spectacle out of the fact that you don’t need someone to love you? That should be a personal triumph, not some overblown production that sounds like it fell out of a Tyler Perry play.
Instead of a self-fulfilling victory, this becomes the story of a woman who was determined to have a wedding with someone — anybody — by her self-imposed deadline that she just threw her own party when she couldn’t find bae. CUZ SHE BOUGHT THAT WEDDING TIARA 15 YEARS AGO AND SHE’S WEARING IT WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT.
It’s an admirable sentiment that comes off as a cheap cry for attention. And that’s not what marriage is about.
But back to WP’s question, to say there are “no more good men out there” is just foolish. Are all women out for money? Are all teenagers video-game playing slackers? Are all Lil Wayne songs post-2008 trash? Two out of those three questions are ridiculous — I’ll let you decide which ones.
The problem many daters face, including that newlywed Mrs. Yasmin Eleby, is that they get so frustrated with their shallow pool of daters that they lost patience, paint all men with the same brush, then bow out of the game and marry themselves.
I… I just can’t get over that.
It’s not a matter of women being picky — women should absolutely wait for the right man. But just because that man hasn’t arrived by whatever arbitrary time you’ve decided doesn’t mean he doesn’t exist. So, I’ll echo what I’ve been saying in this column for years:
BE PATIENT, PEOPLE.
I got married at age 26. My dad got married at 22. One of the deacons at my church got married last year in his mid-50s. There is no timetable for love.
Yasmin Eleby married herself at age 40. What happens if she meets her perfect man at age 41? I mean, she’s already married now — she can’t marry him too!
Because if she did that would just be dumb.