Love Letters: Why Are People Critical of Long Engagements?


MAAAAN it’s cold outside. And I know the search for body heat makes y’all do crazy things.

Before you lay up with some lame, holla at me first.

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Here’s today’s question:

Why are people so critical of long engagements?

Alter Girl

Coincidentally I have a few friends and family members who are preparing to jump the broom/tie the know/ lock the ball and chain around their ankles.

And of all the sage advice I’ve given y’all – for free! – in this very space, here’s the one thing you engaged couples need to take to heart:


People tend to be critical of long engagements because there’s this ridiculous belief that the longer engagement, the more likely that drama will arise and the relationship will crumble.

And your bridesmaid won’t get to wear that dress she spent all that money on.

But here’s the thing: If the relationship can’t survive an engagement, whether that’s six months or six years, how will that relationship survive marriage – which runs FOREVER? That shotgun wedding mentality isn’t gonna help you build a family.

The wifey and I had a relatively short engagement – just five months – and nearly 10 years later she STILL gives me grief about that short time period. Wedding planning is tough and takes a lot of work. Apparently the folks at the wedding dress shop freaked out when my future wife said she needed her dress in less that six months — she nearly had to go bridezilla on them.

But there’s something much more  important than those obscenely expensive dresses y’all wear one day for three hours: Couples needs to spend their engagement period preparing for their lives together. This ain’t just the time to beg people for gifts and sample cakes, take take time to hash out life’s important questions: Where will you live? What are your  employment goals? Will you  add more miniature human beings to your family? What are your hopes and dreams?

Sure, this stuff sounds esoteric – and you shouldn’t expect answers to all these questions – but it’s important that you use your engagement time to prepare for your future.

So tell nosy people to back out of your business. They’ll have a plate at your wedding reception when you’re good and ready.

Take your time and use your engagement to establish a foundation that will last a lifetime.

What else y’all got today?

Why is it that the young guys want to settle down more than the old heads?


I have a female friend who seems like the perfect catch – super fine, has an extremely accomplished career, knows her music and is just a ton of fun. So, of course, she get approached by lots of brothers.

The young guys she meets may be a little emotionally immature at times but they’re always eager to start a relationship. But the brothers closer to her age? They just beg her for booty calls and half-naked pics.

Those guys are 40 years old and above, by the way.

According to my friend, the answer to KJ’s question is simple – those older guys are coming out of relationships (most are divorcees with kids) and have no desire to be tied down again so soon. They are just looking for a free pass to board the freak train for fun. Younger guys are more prone to at least try out a relationship.

Of course, we’re just generalizing here — I know plenty of you old heads are out there looking for bae. But in the experience of my female friends, a lot of older guys just aren’t ready to settle down.

Life is full of ironies like that.



  1. In general people are just critical of others relationships. What does it matter if a couple is engaged for what you deem to be too long, or the other “taboo”, if they are together for too long without an engagement, that’s their business. If they like it, I love it. More people need to stop trying to force their standards/ beliefs on others.

  2. Real talk.

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