Love Letters: Why Are Some Black Men Against Black Women Dating Outside Their Race?

It’s not often that my day job collides with my work here at Soul In Stereo, so today is quite a treat.

Before we begin, if you have love inquiries, get at me.

Send your inquiries to, or find me on Twitter @etbowser. Just provide your initials, or a fun nickname. 

Here’s today’s question:

Black men marry white women every day but why is it that when Eve and Halle Berry or just a Sista period decided to love a white man it’s such an issue with the Brothas?


Coincidentally, I just touched upon this very topic in my latest column for work. I know y’all come here for love advice, but while I have your eyeballs on lock, allow me to give you an American history lesson. 
It’s likely that you’ve never heard of Mildred and Richard Loving, but if not for them, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. In the 1950s, Mildred, a black woman, and Richard, a white man, fled my home state of Virginia to DC, to escape Va’s laws that made interracial marriage illegal. 
Va is for lovers? Not for interracial couples in the 50s, apparently.
Don’t worry, there was a happy ending: On June 12, 1967, in the case of Loving v. Virginia, the Supreme Court declared that Virginia’s laws were unconstitutional and ended all race-based legal restriction of marriage in the United States. 
Although we’ve made legal progress, decades later we’re still struggling culturally.
Yes, when some black men see black women date white men, they get bent out of shape. I’ve seen plenty of backlash on my very own social media times against Eve’s new husband Maximillion Cooper. 
I love that Eve made sure to marry a dude with “million” in his name. I ain’t mad, playa.
But, my dear KJ, don’t front like you think this is an issue specific to black men. Black women get just as snippy when when black men date outside their race. I’ve nearly been shanked sistas many times for drooling over defending Kim Kardashian, but that’s another rant for another day.
The issue here is simple – in a society where black beauty is considered abnormal, some African-Americans feel slighted when people date outside their race. It’s a tough pill to swallow when Hollywood and magazines set a standard of beauty (Thin! Bone straight hair! Light skin!) that looks nothing like you. Thankfully, those standards are changing, coincidentally, it’s just as interracial relationships are becoming more accepted.
But for those of you who still aren’t accepting, answer this question:
Who are you to judge who anyone loves? 
Sure, there are plenty of people out there who date outside their race solely for the thrill of it, just to check ethnicities off their sex list or because of bone-headed preconceived notions, like turning away from black women “because they’re hard to deal with.”
Playa, ALL women are hard to deal with. But that’s why I love them all.
Think back to the Lovings: A bunch of bigoted lawmakers who had never even MET the couple tried to tell them their marriage was wrong. How did they know what’s in their hearts? Simply put, they didn’t. 
Oh, and don’t try to throw out that tired bible verse that “claims” that races shouldn’t mix. Sorry, homie, that verse actually warns against marrying people of different religious beliefs, not people of different skin colors.
If you’re against interracial relationships, it’s time to put away your insecurities or, better yet, close your mouths and stay out of other folks’ homes. I’m privileged to know many, many interracial couples. All are happy. All are beautiful.
Just let them love. Stop hating.


  1. well said 🙂 thx

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