Love Letters: Is It OK to Propose Marriage with a Text Message?

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I know this is usually the place where I complain about the love lives of our readers but this is a music blog so you’ve gotta expect crossover.

After you read this column, drop what you’re doing (you’re probably at work procrastinating anyway so that won’t be hard) and download Luke James’ mixtape Whispers in the Dark. It dropped a few months ago and it’s received heavy rotation in Soul In Stereo studios ever since.

Who is Luke James, you ask? Well, it’s his Twitter handle and he’s the most promising R&B star I’ve heard in a long time. His mixtape, for instance, is sort of a reimagining of Spike Lee’s “Mo’ Better Blues.” It’s a superb collection of tracks that explore love and heartbreak.

I don’t endorse stuff often but when I do you KNOW it’s worth your time.

OK, I’ll shut up and get to the relationship talk.

Send your inquiries to, or find me on twitter @etbowser. Just provide your initials, or a fun nickname.   

Here’s today’s question:

Is proposing via text inappropriate? 


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Is that what’s hot in the streets?! Sending marriage proposals via text message!? Lord, y’all need to do better.

Listen playas, no one has embraced the information age more than yours truly. Except I still use a paper planner. And I still mail most of my bills instead of paying online. And it took me about 10 years to join Facebook. But other than that, I’m a technical dynamo.

But no matter how advanced technology becomes, some things are best left to that antiquated thing called “personal interaction.” Like Nas’ Illmatic and Kool Moe Dee’s shades, some things never go out of style.

High-top fades, however, are out of style. Kids, stop getting those.

The biggest problem I have with texted proposals is not only are they impersonal and tacky, they’re also lazy and at worst, kinda cowardly. The sender can protect themselves from rejection by hiding behind a screen – if they get refused, the sender can just say “oh I was playin'” and save face.

I’m not saying that marriage proposals have to be elaborate or fancy. A friend of mine proposed to his girlfriend simply while walking down the street. Years later, their bond is still strong. When I proposed to the wifey I filled the bedroom with white flowers and candles, and almost literally burned the house down. You can’t get those kind of stories from a text message.

However you propose, I think your mate deserves it being done intimately.  Getting married means spending the rest of your life seeing your mate day in and out. If you can’t even be bothered to face them when you propose marriage, you’re in for a loooong existence. Or a short marriage.

What else y’all got? Bonus question time:

Can rebound relationships work?


“Rebound relationships” are the most damaging thing to happen to potential unions since Brian McKnight wrote that gynecology song. By definition, no they can’t work. How can someone who is barely over their ex jump into a relationship with an unsuspecting schmuck? The rebounder is likely a wounded puppy and the reboundee is unfairly forced to play relationship counselor, or in the worst scenario, watch as the rebounder runs off to reunite with his/her mate.

But it doesn’t HAVE to be that way.

If the rebounder waits until he or she emotionally moves beyond the past relationship, I think things can work out. Of course, that makes the situation no longer a “rebound” relationship and instead just a regular ol’ relationship. Funny how the classics always work best.

Forget about rebounding. Just start fresh – once you’re ready.


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