Love Letters: Buying a Man’s Love

Ugh, the holidays are quickly approaching and that whimpering you hear is my wallet crying in anticipation of the beating it’s gonna take. This Christmas, I think everyone is just gonna receive the gift of my friendship.

On a related note, let’s get into today’s topic.

Send your inquiries to, or find me on twitter @etbowser. Just provide your initials, or a fun nickname.

Here’s today’s question: 

Why do women nowadays feel like they have to buy a man’s love?


My, how times have changed. Back in my day, brothers had to pay her bills, pay her telephone bill, pay her automobile, then maybe he could chill with a woman.

But that script, oh yeah, it has been flipped.

I have no problem with women spending money on their man (likewise, a man should feel free to spoil his woman). But I think some women need to re-examine their motives.

These days, at least among a few of my female friends, you’re more likely to see intelligent, professional, and PAID women, paying car notes and dinner tabs for their men. And not out of generosity, mind you, out of duty. What happened? And where were these women when I was dating? I could have used a sugar momma to pay off some college bills.

Well, these women were raised under the correct assumption that if you let a man pay your bills, then you owe him something – and if you don’t know what that “something” is, go listen to that horrible Nas song. Now, the roles are reversed and, in the minds of some of those ladies, being able to financially support their man puts them in a position of power. They’re proving to their men – and most importantly, trying to convince themselves – that they’re strong, independent and self-sufficient.

Except they’re not.

Just like men who throw their money around like bread crumbs to attract pigeons in the park, those women who are using money to draw men are suffering from insecurities. Those insecurities are the complete opposite of the self-sufficient, modern women they portray. And of course, those men aren’t going to turn down a free ride. In their attempt to be empowered, those women are allowing someone to leech of them  – eventually sapping their souls, and bank accounts, dry. No wonder some women get so bitter.

Now before you six-figure-making sistas declare jihad on my inbox, let me reiterate – there’s nothing wrong with treating your man. Just like you want to be pampered, brothers like it when women show us appreciation. But if you think you’re endearing yourself to a man solely by paying his bills and buying him video games, you’ll be sorely mistaken.

If you’re a hard-working, financially stable woman, find a man who is your equal – a dude who doesn’t mind spending time (and, yes, occasionally money) to show how much he cares. Treat each other to the finer things. And if he’s not bringing in the money Rick Ross pretends to make, it’s cool as long as he shows affection in more meaningful ways. Money does not make a relationship, y’all, your love should be made of sterner stuff.

If you’re shelling out just to keep some guy around, he’s not your equal, he’s just another bill. He might as well show up once a month in your mailbox with a stamp on his forehead. You need a committed man, not a dependent on your tax forms.



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