Love Letters: Putting Up With Bad Relationships

Image by KB35 via Flickr

Our Love Letters column as received a lot of, ahem, love lately. Thanks for the support. And if you submitted a question, hang tight, I’ll get to it eventually.

Let’s get down to business.

Send your inquiries to, or find me on twitter @etbowser. Just provide your initials, or a fun nickname.   

Here’s today’s question:

Why do some people hold on to bad relationships while waiting for something better to come along?


Many women define their entire existence – they’re raison d’etre, if you will – by a relationship. If they aren’t in a relationship, good or bad, they’re incomplete. Without a man, they truly think they’re less than a woman.

I think many women will be much better off if they stopped treating men like a bad used car.

Let your boy explain.

One of my first cars was an ’89 red Chevy Cavalier. My dad got it from an auction. For those who don’t know,  many cities auction off cars that are confiscated by police. So yes, you too can ride around in a car owned by a former drug dealer, with little bags of cocaine stuffed in the air conditioning vents.

Anyway, my red Cavalier looked like a dream, and I loved it. But beyond looks, that dream was a straight-up Nightmare on Elm Street. The car always smelled moldy because the floor boards were rotting. You needed the strength of He-Man to roll down the windows (hence the reason why I avoided Drive-Thrus). And one dark, rainy night, while driving home from work listening to Tony Toni Tone’s “Let’s Get Down,” the engine literally exploded.

I can’t remember what I ate for breakfast but I can remember what song I was listening to one random night in 1998. That Old Timer’s disease is settling in early.

Anyway, despite having a car that rarely got to Point A to Point B in one piece, I kept it around for years because it was the only option I had. I endured until I found something new.

Listen ladies, love ain’t a used car – you don’t have to deal with a useless piece of garbage until something better comes along. If your relationship is hindering you, let it go.

For some women, that’s easier said than done. But those women need to focus on loving and uplifting themselves, instead of trying to find joy in someone else.

Unlike a crappy car that you can dump with no strings attached, a bad relationship fosters baggage that will scar the dater and future relationships, too. Ladies, put yourself first and realize you’re worth holding out for your dream car, uh, guy. With patience, you’ll find a much better make and model than the clunker that’s laying around your house.

Don’t settle for less or you too will wind up sitting on the curb watching life pass you by, while humming Tony Toni Tone songs.



  1. Ed! Why the focus on women? I can name about 2 men for every woman in this predicament. I’m telling Jai you’re being sexist, lol.

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published.