I know I said I was done with award shows till 2012, but it’s the season of giving. The wifey and I finished putting up the Christmas decorations just in time for the 40th Soul Train awards. It gave me something to do while I spent two hours wiping glitter off my body. It’s like I spent the night at a strip club.
1. The show opened with Morris Day and The Time, but why were they only called “The Original 7even.” No one said their names, like they were Lord Voldemort or something.
2. Anyone else notice Morris Day suddenly run off the stage? Maybe he spotted his creditors in the audience.
3. Did you have high hopes for Masters of the Mix season two? I hope not. Any show that premiers at midnight on a Saturday is doomed.
4. Speaking of that, did I really hear that Amber Rose is dropping an album? This can’t be life.
5. Uh oh, did anyone else notice that my girl Marsha Ambrosius found some of that weight she lost? Don’t hate – she was probably the best performer on the show.
6. Who named Freddie Jackson, Kenny Lattimore and my biggest fan Dave Hollister honorary Pips? That honor should have gone to Keith Sweat, Johnny Gill, and, uh, a Keith Sweat clone.
7. Why was Tamar Braxton dressed like Princess Toadstool? SuperMario.com…
8. Why wouldn’t they show a closeup of Natalie Cole? Don’t tell me she’s back on that nose candy.
9. Did you notice how classy and poised Gladys Knight was during the acceptance of her award? If you expect Rihanna or Icky Garbaj to be that insightful in 20 years you’re in for a disappointment.
10. I wonder if my grandma noticed that Cee-Lo Green borrowed her nightgown for his performance of “Fool For You?” Speaking of that song, I’m not a fan of the remix that features Melanie Fiona. I love her voice but it’s a bit too flawless. That track begs for a scratchy, screechy church choir lady to do the honors.
11. Jill Scott wins Best Female R&B Artist? Marsha wuz robbed.
12. Shout out to the three people who stood up during Lloyd’s performance. He appreciates it. Me, though? I was asleep.
13. I’m a huge Miguel fan, but dude looked like a Piranha Plant from Mario Bros. tonight. And why did he sound uncharacteristically horrible?
14. Poor Mindless Behavior – why didn’t someone tell them they got their dates wrong? 106 & Park comes on TOMORROW – we’ll see you then. Well, I won’t.
15. Conversation at Georgia Mae headquarters:
Wifey: Isn’t AJ the son of Nick Ashford?
Wifey: You know, of Ashford and Simpson?
Me: I know who that is, who is AJ?
Wifey: From 106 & Park.
Me: Ashford and Simpson were on 106 & Park? In which millennium?
Wifey: No, AJ!
Georgia Mae Headquarters – home of the confused and misinformed.
16. The Heavy D tribute was great fun – a reunited Goodie Mob, Naughty by Nature, Big Daddy Kane, Kurtis Blow. Could you have asked for a better lineup?
17. Judging by his outfit, do you think Anthony Hamilton has been conducting trains in his spare time?
18. KEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEF! My boy Keith Sweat was in the house to present the award for Best R&B Male Artist. Don’t you think he should have taken the trophy and ran? My boy @All_About_Be suggested I pull a Kanye and rush the stage:
“Imma let you finish Cee Lo, but Keith Sweat had the greatest album of all time!!!!”
Yeah, I can see that happening.
19. Forget skinny jeans, Robin Thicke was wearing skinny slacks. Is that what’s hot in the streets?
20. Did you notice how annoyed Earth Wind and Fire looked at the start of their tribute? Thankfully Lalah Hathaway, Joe, Robin Thicke and Eric Benet stepped in to save things. Eric Benet is such a horrible human being that I forgot he can sing.
Well, I’ve certainly seen worse award shows. It wasn’t a bad way to spend two hours on a Sunday night. Needed more Keith, though.