Love Letters: Family Matters

Questions, questions, who’s got questions? We have answers.


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Here’s today’s question:

Can you honestly have a relationship with someone your family doesn’t care for?


D.C.

You know, during my college years, the mothers of the young ladies I’d spend time with absolutely adored me. I became pretty close with several of them. But the fathers? Eh, they weren’t so convinced. From the cold stares to bone-crushing handshakes, it was clear they didn’t quite trust me. I didn’t really take offense to their actions. If I was a father I’d be just as protective. Of course, these guys didn’t take time to get to know me, either.


Nowadays, I enjoy a great relationship with my inlaws. I’m so close to my brother-in-law that you’d think we were blood related. The wifey’s cousins have become some of my best friends since we moved to Birmingham. Javacia’s mom has loved me from day one and apparently I’m the first guy her dad has even remotely liked.


Her uncle threatened to gut me with his pocketknife once, but that’s cool, he threatens to stab everyone.


Don’t act like you don’t have a knife-wielding uncle in your family. We all have at least one.


Sure, I share a great relationship with Jai’s family, but what if they all hated my guts? Thanksgiving dinner might be awkward, but my feelings for her would not change. When we care for our mate deeply, we want to share that love with those closest to us – our families. And it’s difficult when they can’t share in our happiness. But that doesn’t mean that your feelings are wrong or should end just because your mom doesn’t care for your man’s haircut. As an adult, it’s up for you to make your relationship work.


If your friends and family aren’t fond of your mate, the only way to soften their hearts is to get them to spend more time with your beau. Plan a couple of family outings together. Nothing big – grilling out at a park or even watching a DVD together at home can ease tensions.


Now, we definitely should take our families’ opinions into consideration. If you have family members who have expressed legitimate concerns about your mate, don’t disregard them. Of course, these have to be legitimate concerns. “I don’t like his tattoo” or “she looks like she’s kinda fast” won’t cut it. But remember, you are the adult and your family isn’t dating your mate, you are. Honestly, who cares if they doesn’t like them. As long as you’re happy that’s all that matters.


And tell your uncle to save the knife for the Thanksgiving turkey.