Ah, young love.
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Here’s today’s question:
The love of my life and I have been facing some bumps lately. We’ve always been honest and open with each other even when it hurts. But lately, I think that our arguments are geared around him feeling like I am the problem and that he can only take so much. Before him I was an emotional byproduct of really bad relationships. I was left with a low self-esteem and hate towards men and the concept of love. When he came into my life, he stood by me and I do feel because of him and his love I am no longer the same person. But I’m scared that he’s getting tired of always playing doctor and just might leave me even though we just got engaged recently.
Congrats on the engagement. But before you walk the aisle, I do think a few issues need to be addressed.
The great news is that is seems like you’ve found a good, committed man, one who strongly believes in your love. Unfortunately, I’m not sure you share that strength.
Let me explain. You mentioned being hurt in the past – wounds that still ache to this day. And to his credit, your fiancee has been there to help heal those wounds. And while it’s extremely admirable that he’s been there to constantly uplift you, in time those wounds will begin to take their toll on him. Seems like that’s already happening.
It’s great to see that your fiancee is doing all he can to make this relationship work, but it’s time you gave him a hand. We all have baggage (word to Jerry Springer – I love that game show) but it’s unfair for our current partners to pay for the sins of our exes. Our ex-partners are that for a reason – they sucked. We can’t allow them to keep making things suck long after they’re gone. I certainly don’t want to downplay whatever you’ve gone through in the past – but the operative word here is “past.” Difficult as it may be, you have to move away from the past, for the sake of your future.
How can you do this? Well, the changes have to start from within. Learn from your prior mistakes and celebrate knowing that what you have is nothing like what you had. Sit down with your fiancee and reassure him that you’re grateful to him for being your rock. And most importantly, you have to dump all that past baggage.
I hope you realize that you have a great future ahead – but you both need to embrace it together.