Love Letters: Perceptions of Promiscuity

Judging by the popularity of this column, as the temperatures continue to plummet you ladies must be looking for a guy to provide some warmth.

Or, “boo up,” as they say in the hood.

Keep those questions coming.

Remember, ladies, send your inquiries to, or find me on twitter at @etbowser. Dudes, you can get in touch with Javacia at Just provide your initials.

Here’s today’s question:

Do men think women are promiscuous if they carry condoms? s.f.

Oh, now this is a tough one and I’m guaranteed to get hate mail.

If I was on a date with a woman and she proudly proclaimed that she already “has me covered” (so to speak) in case we decide to tear up the sheets, I might be concerned.

Yes, I’d be glad that she takes her sexual health seriously. In today’s climate, fail to Rap It Up (word to BET) and you’ll wind up just a fond, distant memory – like Cita (word to BET).

But if I went out with a woman who had a purse full of Magnums – especially if this was a woman I didn’t know well – I’d see it as a red flag. Unfortunately, it does give off vibes that the woman uses them often, and that’s just not the type of girl I’d be looking for.

So, sadly, yes, some dudes are gonna see it as promiscuous. I’m NOT saying women shouldn’t protect themselves, I’m just saying some guys will jump to conclusions, especially if the relationship is still relatively new.

Yes, I know it’s not fair, but it’s true.

Some may chalk up that mindset to a male-dominated society where a woman can’t be in control of her sexuality. And I’d agree. Honestly, those preconceived notions have a lot to do with it. But here’s how you work around it – I believe women, and men, need to hold off on sex until the relationship is more mature and stable. Or even wait until you’re, gasp, married.

Oh, the horror.

Seriously, get to know your partner and establish a real relationship before gettin’ down. Then you won’t have to guess if the dude is smart enough to bring protection and you won’t have to lug around a suitcase full of Lifestyles. Make him responsible for his actions. And if the relationship has matured and has eventually progressed to sex, you won’t have to worry about looking like an Easy, Sleazy, Booty-full Cover Girl. The guy will know you better than that.

That brings up what I feel is much bigger concern – ladies, if YOU always have to supply a condom for a guy, that tells me he’s either unprepared or was willing to do the deed unprotected. Both of those are much bigger worries than a women being perceived as freaky. Cut those guys off.

Uh, not literally. Just don’t date them.



  1. I have yet to meet the woman who carries around a purse overflowing with magnums.

    My advice (and I earned the right to give it thru many years of dating): Carry a few condoms tucked in your makeup bag. Condoms are like tampons – you wouldn’t wave them around but you need to have them on hand.

    Also, it’s 2010. A guy who thinks you’re loose for carrying condoms needs to read the news: There are 30+ million people in the world with HIV. At the end of 2009, women accounted for just over half of all adults living with HIV worldwide. I’d rather look like a slut to some idiot than be infected. – Danielle

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