Georgia Mae presents Love Letters

December 1, 2010Edward BowserLove Letters, love life, Single in the City0

New Georgia Mae feature!

Nearly daily, I get questions from friends looking for relationship insight. Many of my female friends appreciate that I can give them honest insight into the mind of a man. And y’all know me, I have no problems informing both men and women of their stupidity.

So today we launch Love Letters. Now, the wifey and I are by no means relationship experts, but we’ve enjoyed a pretty strong marriage thus far and endured a two-year long-distance relationship before that so we know what works and what doesn’t.

Here’s the twist – I’ll be answering female readers’ questions while the wifey answers questions from guys. The opposite sex always brings different perspectives.

Ladies, send your inquiries to edward@soulinstereo.com, or find me on twitter at @etbowser. Dudes, you can get in touch with Javacia at javacia@soulinstereo.com. Names will be withheld to protect the guilty. Or the innocent, depending. Just provide your initials.

And here’s our first question:

Why is it when dudes start to catch feelings they run? k.j.

Ah, the Detox syndrome. Every time Dr. Dre teases us with an album release, anticipation builds and he gets cold feet, running off into the night. Living up to expectations is tough.

Same goes for guys. In these instances, you’re usually dealing with two types of dudes – those who are afraid of the ramifications of settling down, and those who are just afraid they’ll miss their chance at the next round of booty that may or may not be available.

I’ll admit, I was once in the first category. I took marriage very seriously and although I did a fair share of dating in my day I quickly cut things short if I realized that I didn’t want to be in a long-term relationship. I knew that monogamous relationships sow the seeds for marriage. Marriage is forever – and forever is a mighty long time. I didn’t want to be with someone whom I could describe as “ehhhh, she aiight.”

Of course, it might not just be an issue of marriage – anything could make a man re-evaluate dating exclusively. Maybe there are clashing religious values, maybe the woman has meddling friends, maybe her family is crazy, maybe he’s not over an ex – it’s not necessarily about the woman specifically. And it’s certainly not always because he has his eye on someone else, which is what is usually assumed.

The other issue is, of course, a long-term relationship means a guy becomes a one-woman man. Which renders a dude’s pimp game null and void. Some immature brothers think that the second they commit to a woman, Kim Kardashian will stop by their house in lingerie and say “oh, you’re in a relationship now? Oh well, you missed your chance.”

Uh huh.

So it comes down to a fear of commitment. Ladies, what can you do? Well, y’all need to realize that you can’t FORCE someone to be committed to you. If the dude doesn’t want to settle down he won’t. Let him roam and don’t waste your time. But first, talk it out. Identify what’s making him freak out and address it. Clearing the air and understanding his concerns is the only way to alleviate his fears. And take him at his word – don’t assume that whatever he says is troubling him is a lie or he’s just running game.

Communication is the key. Trust me, finger-pointing and fussin’ won’t make him stay. That’ll work the day Detox is released – never.

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