New Georgia Mae feature!
Nearly daily, I get questions from friends looking for relationship insight. Many of my female friends appreciate that I can give them honest insight into the mind of a man. And y’all know me, I have no problems informing both men and women of their stupidity.
Ladies, send your inquiries to firstname.lastname@example.org, or find me on twitter at @etbowser. Dudes, you can get in touch with Javacia at email@example.com. Names will be withheld to protect the guilty. Or the innocent, depending. Just provide your initials.
And here’s our first question:
Ah, the Detox syndrome. Every time Dr. Dre teases us with an album release, anticipation builds and he gets cold feet, running off into the night. Living up to expectations is tough.
Same goes for guys. In these instances, you’re usually dealing with two types of dudes – those who are afraid of the ramifications of settling down, and those who are just afraid they’ll miss their chance at the next round of booty that may or may not be available.
I’ll admit, I was once in the first category. I took marriage very seriously and although I did a fair share of dating in my day I quickly cut things short if I realized that I didn’t want to be in a long-term relationship. I knew that monogamous relationships sow the seeds for marriage. Marriage is forever – and forever is a mighty long time. I didn’t want to be with someone whom I could describe as “ehhhh, she aiight.”
Of course, it might not just be an issue of marriage – anything could make a man re-evaluate dating exclusively. Maybe there are clashing religious values, maybe the woman has meddling friends, maybe her family is crazy, maybe he’s not over an ex – it’s not necessarily about the woman specifically. And it’s certainly not always because he has his eye on someone else, which is what is usually assumed.
So it comes down to a fear of commitment. Ladies, what can you do? Well, y’all need to realize that you can’t FORCE someone to be committed to you. If the dude doesn’t want to settle down he won’t. Let him roam and don’t waste your time. But first, talk it out. Identify what’s making him freak out and address it. Clearing the air and understanding his concerns is the only way to alleviate his fears. And take him at his word – don’t assume that whatever he says is troubling him is a lie or he’s just running game.
Communication is the key. Trust me, finger-pointing and fussin’ won’t make him stay. That’ll work the day Detox is released – never.