Some of you know that I have been without HBO since July 25, which for a True Blood fan is like being without fresh water and clean air. Fortunately my cousin/BFF saved the rest of the season’s episodes for me on her DVR and this weekend I travelled 1.5 hours for a bloody marathon.
During the final episodes of the season (which were AWESOME) we see humans mull over the not-so glamorous side of being in a relationship with a vampire. For example, if your husband is undead he won’t age. Ever. Will your vivacious vamp still find you attractive once you have wrinkles and brittle bones? There’s no “growing old together” with Bill Compton.
Nonetheless, I told hubster I would totally love it if he were a vampire and here are the top five reasons why:
5. Let’s say, I’m hit by a car tomorrow (hey, it could happen) and I get really banged up. Just a few drops of hubster’s blood and I’ll be all better.
4. Once I have ingested his blood he’ll always know if I’m in trouble. So if I am hit by a car again he’ll get there before the cops even show up and use his super vampire strength to scare the crap out of the driver.
3. We can cuddle even in the middle of July in Alabama. I’m a pretty romantic person but I don’t do much cuddling in the summertime simply because it’s too damn hot. But if Edd is techinically dead, he won’t have any body heat so spooning when it’s 80 degrees at night will be no problem.
2. As joyful and optimistic as I may seem to those who know me, I can be pretty morbid (but my obsession with vampires probably gave that away.). I think about death a lot and live in constant fear of my loved ones suddenly dying. I know I should get some therapy about that, but I can’t afford it. And I wouldn’t need it if Edd were an immortal vampire.
And the #1 reason I’d love for Edd to be a vampire — I could go shopping for cute, expensive handbags without worrying about him trying to stop me. He can’t exactly follow me to the mall in the middle of the day if sunlight will cause his skin to burst into flames, you know.