Conversation at the GeorgiaMae headquarters:
Wifey: The MTV Video Music awards are on this Sunday.
Wifey: You’re gonna blog about them, right?
Me: Awww, do I HAVE to? You know they’re gonna be stupid.
Wifey: You’re the music writer.
GeorgiaMae – watching bad award shows so you don’t have to.
1. Who expected the Michael Jackson tribute to be so good? Madonna’s speech was extremely moving.
2. But why did Janet sound so gruff? Chalk it up to the emotion, I guess.
3. After the horrid job he did last year, whose bright idea was it to bring Russell Brand back to host?
4. And did he have his genitals removed? It’s the only way he could have squeezed in those toddler-sized pants.
5. Did you feel as bad for Wale as I did? He got tons of camera time but only performed .005 seconds of each song before they cut his mic.
6. Who keeps inviting to Jack Black to every MTV event? He’s like the unwanted cousin who pops up at all the family barbecues only to mess up the spades games. His “prayer” to the devil was embarrassing.
7. How long did it take for Pink to learn that high-wire act? I can’t hate, that was pretty impressive.
8. Why does Britney Spears win awards every year despite not having a hit song since about 2000? Maybe MTV still feels bad about her horrible performance from a few years back.
9. Was I the only one shocked that the viewers picked Lady Gaga over Drake for Best New Artist?
10. And speaking of her, what’s the appeal of Lady GaGa? She dresses like a cyborg peacock, a prostitute rabbit, a human bird’s nest and a bottle of hot sauce, then hangs her bloody corpse from the ceiling - if I did that stuff I’d be in a padded cell.
11. Beyonce’s “Single Ladies” was fun (along with her Luke Skywalker robot hand) but all that humming at the beginning of the performance sounded like “Sweet Dreams: The Lion King Remix.”
12. Didn’t you feel old when you didn’t recognize any of the teenyboppers the crowd went wild over?
13. Why do the kids love Twilight so much? The star of the movies is one weird looking dude – bushy hair with bushy eyebrows to match.
14. Wifey: “That trailer makes the new Twilight movie look good.”
Me: “Which trailer were YOU watching?”
15. But was I the only person who was excited by the “Ninja Assassin” trailer? Eh, probably.
16. Didn’t Alicia Keys totally outshine Jay-Z during their performance?
17. And why did Lil’ Bow Wow randomly pop up at the end of the song?
Oh, that was Lil Mama? My fault.
And you know I had to comment on Kanye West rudely interrupting Taylor Swift’s big win:
18. Did anyone else think Kanye’s outburst was staged? Surely not even Kanye is stupid enough to harass a teenager. And I’m sorry to break the news to him, but Beyonce’s “Single Ladies” video kinda sucks.
19. Staged or not, weren’t you proud when Beyonce let Taylor have her chance to shine?
20. Next year, can I watch Family Guy instead of another mind numbing award show?