I’m a grown man who hasn’t seen most of the Pixar movies that people are obsessed with, but I was challenged to check ’em all out and share my thoughts. Join me as I watch ’em all one by one – see if I buy into the hype.
Movie No. 21: Toy Story 4 (2019)
Y’all have given me nothing but grief for not falling in love with the Toy Story franchise. Once again, I reiterate: I think it’s good, it just never hit “great” for me.
That changed with Toy Story 3, which served as the perfect sendoff for the studio’s flagship characters, as well as closure for the maturing fanbase who were now more concerned with boosting their IG following than following a bunch of old toys around.
But you know what’s better than the perfect conclusion? More money!
Welcome Toy Story 4, yet another sequel we didn’t need.
Last week someone in the comments called Toy Story 4 a great epilogue to the franchise. Eh, to me, it’s more like your waiter talking you into having a so-so dessert after a fantastic meal.
You could have saved that money, playa.
I’m glad this film finally addressed what I’ve been yelling about for three movies now – Woody’s got some SERIOUS abandonment issues. Y’all can call it “loyalty” or “love for his kids” but I know a candidate for therapy when I see it.
At the beginning of the film, when his girl Bo Peep gets snatched up and donated, he has an opportunity to go with her. Does stand by her side like any decent boyfriend would do? Of COURSE NOT, he straight up abandons her for his real love, freaking Andy. Then when we flash to current day and his new kid Bonnie goes to school, Woody sneaks off to be with her, even though her dad said she can’t bring toys.
Oh, did I mention that ol girl doesn’t even play with Woody? Whenever he pops up she just throws him aside like COVID-covered Kleenex. And Woody even had the nerve to call the Bonnie Andy once!
We need a plastic Iyanla to fix his life.
So, Bo Peep returns as this weird freedom fighter with a band of freelance toys for lonely kids at the park I guess? It’s not clearly explained – along with several other plot points and character motivations. But of course, the big new star here is Forky, who admittedly is pretty entertaining.
Poor Forky just wants to snuggle up with trash because it’s the only world he knows. Sounds like Big Sean fans waiting on that new album. Woody is like me trying to protect y’all from yourselves: “I can’t let you/I can’t let you/I can’t let you throw yourself awayyyyyyy.”
The other characters are a mixed bag. The unicorn who was obsessed with getting Bonnie’s dad arrested went from hilarious to creepy to OK WE GET IT YOU HATE HIM. I think he secretly wanted to get with the mom, like Brian chasing Lois Griffin on Family Guy. Duke Caboom wasn’t bad but that rabbit and chick from the carnival, MY GOD. They were absolutely unbearable, bordering on Cars 2 Mater obnoxious. The Diamond and Silk of the Pixar franchise.
I also didn’t get the deal with Gabby Gabby. So she spends the whole movie terrorizing toys and stealing voiceboxes like Ursula, including the one from your (but not my) hero Woody, but when her evil plan fails to win over the kid in the store, they just pawn her off on some other girl?
I’m fine with the idea of reformed villains who see the light and learn growth but that wasn’t the case here. There was no lesson or remorse that I saw, she just failed upward and won.
Gabby Gabby is Thanos in Infinity War.
Also, my parents would NEVER let me keep a toy I found in the back alley of a seedy carnival. But in this world adults can’t tell that talking toys are giving them directions instead of their GPS, so I don’t understand a lot of things in this movie.
Toy Story 4 had its moments, specifically Woody FINALLY letting go of his weirdo human fetish and, as always, the humor and action were mildly entertaining. But the plot conveniences were way too glaring and, surprisingly, I missed the old cast a lot. I’ll take the Potato Heads over the Ratchet Carnival Bears any day.
How much you wanna bet Woody calls Bo Peep “Andy” on date nights?
3.5 stars out of 5
Toy Story 3
A Bug’s Life
Toy Story 2
**Toy Story 4**
The Good Dinosaur
OK y’all, we’re in the home stretch now. Onward is the final film in my Pixar marathon! Good, I’m TIRED.