Love Letters: Is It Healthy to Sex Your Ex?

I usually keep an open mind but sometimes it takes a lot of convincing to win me over.

Y’all keep saying it’s spring, but I’m still scraping frost off my car.

Y’all keep telling me Lil Wayne’s new album is good but all I hear is an hour of mush-mouthed babbling. Wake me when Ghostface Killah’s new album drops.

Y’all keep telling me your new beau is definitely THEEEE ONE. We’ll see about that. As I said, I’m a tough sell.

If you want some honest, no frills advice, hit me up.

Send your inquiries to, or find me on twitter @etbowser. Just provide your initials, or a fun nickname.   

Here’s today’s question:

Is it healthy to keep a sexual attachment to an ex?


Let your boy put it like this: carrying a sexy torch for your old flame is about as healthy as Rick Rawse’s cholesterol screening after his last visit to Wing Stop. You’re just asking for a lifetime of pain and discomfort.

Like the grease lingering under your order of hot wings, residual feelings are the natural results of any breakup. And like that grease, just because it’s there doesn’t mean you need to lap it up like a thirsty puppy.

If the thirst-trap in question is your ex, by definition, there had to be something that caused the relationship to end. But if you’re holding on to old feelings, you’ll never be able to move on. And don’t give me that “it’s just meaningless sex” excuse – someone ALWAYS catches feelings eventually. Those feelings can be positive or negative, but they’re almost never meaningless. And how can you move on to a better relationship if you’re still dabbling in the past?

That is, of course, unless you’re still not over your ex. Or maybe he/she isn’t over you.

If you want to try to mend fences, that’s perfectly fine – just make sure you build a foundation that’s sturdier than sex. If you two aren’t on the same page somebody’s bound to get hurt. That first breakup will be even worse the second time around.

But here’s the bottom line – it’s hard to see your future when you’re still stuck in the past.

BONUS ROUND: That one was easy. What else y’all got?

Why do some people have to have their egos stroked in relationships?


Who doesn’t enjoy having their ego stroked? Word to Clarence Carter.

Ladies say they want compliments – brothers need a little affirmation too! For some reason, most of the women I dated back in college took pride in never giving compliments. I’d wear a nice outfit, they’d say “oh you think you cute,” which was their way of saying I WAS cute. Ugh. It’s important that your mate knows that they’re loved. If not, they might look for affection elsewhere.

Of course, these compliments are a two-way street. You give, and you should receive too.

So keep on stroking – as long as you both get in on the action. Just don’t go overboard. I don’t want to have to clean up the mess.


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