Love Letters: When Men Become Territorial

Spam is getting out of control.

A friend told me she’s been receiving spam email promising “love spells” to help you seduce that dream guy. Is that what’s hot in the streets? Putting Internet roots on people so you can get a date?

People, if you need to get your love life in order, visit the one site that won’t give you viruses, both electronic and sexual.

Send your inquiries to edward@soulinstereo.com, or find me on twitter @etbowser. Just provide your initials, or a fun nickname.    

Here’s today’s question:

Why is it that when some people are not together like that one of them becomes territorial?

AT


For those of you not from the Commonwealth, let me brush off my Virginian to English dictionary.

*puts on reading glasses*

Here’s what the reader is asking:

When you’re casually dating a guy, why does he suddenly get possessive (i.e., questioning your whereabouts, asking if other guys have been hitting on you) if he suspects you’re interested in someone else?

I’ve discussed this before, but some guys have a tough time committing. And no, it’s not because ALL MENZ IZ DAWGZ. Sometimes we’re uneasy about entering another relationship, we’re dealing with personal baggage or we just don’t know how to communicate our feelings. And yeah, some brothers just want to play the field. In any case, we often waste time trying to sort things out and take the woman for granted.

I’m speaking from experience, here. I did the same thing to my future wife way back when.

But the second that woman seems to be enamored with another guy, we freak out and suddenly, in our minds, we’re in a relationship. That woman we’re still trying to decide on is slipping away so we get clingy. Like a mom trying to decide if she’s gonna spend $80 on Walmart’s last Elmo doll (or whatever kids are into these days), she quickly goes from indecisive to ‘DATZ FOR MY BAY-BAY!’ when another woman comes by to claim it.

When it comes to men and relationships, women often say “territorial” attitudes come from men who want to be controlling. That’s not always true – many times, guys just freak out because they’re paranoid. They think they might have a good woman and might want a relationship, but they aren’t sure – but they SURE aren’t gonna let someone else take her while they’re trying to figure it out.

Of course, the woman is not required to stick around while Mr. Indecisive tries to make up his mind, nor is she required to give him her itinerary. She can come and go as she pleases without explanation. Really, it’s in the hands of the woman – is this guy worth waiting for? That’s a decision only she can make.

BONUS QUESTION:

 It’s 2012, why do some women still think if they have a man’s baby he will want to be with her?

WB

I hope WB isn’t Maury Povich’s pen name.

This never makes sense to me. So, if you’re with a guy who doesn’t want you (which is ridiculous anyway…), you think he’s suddenly gonna fall in love because you give birth to his kid?

Say it with me: Playa please.

At best, he’ll love the kid and hate the woman even more for an unwanted pregnancy. At worst, he’ll hate the woman for an unwanted pregnancy AND hate the baby, so she’ll be dealing with a hateful lover and a deadbeat dad. The only person who wins in this situation is Maury cuz he’ll have another segment for his show.

In Va, we have a word for people who think like that.

*brushes off Va dictionary, puts on reading glasses*

Ahem… we call them stupid.

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