I hope everyone has been keeping up with the wifey’s Reverb11 series, in which she takes a positive look at her life in 2011. It’s a great read and great time for reflection.
Now for something completely different.
I’ve spent most of my Georgia Mae career shedding light on the missteps of your favorite celebrities, but this year we saw some things that were so offensive, so ridiculous, so head-scratchingly stupid that they could only be described with two iconic words:
Introducing the first Playa Please award, presented to the person who did the best job bringing out the worst in him or herself. Like Icki Garbaj’s stylist, it’s a designation you definitely don’t want.
After hours of SMH’ing and face-palming I’ve come up with a winner. First, the runners-up.
Cousin Chris goes berserk. Again.
The offense: Remember that time Chris Brown went crazy? Let me clarify – remember when Breezy got in trouble and then blamed everyone but himself? Ugh, try this: Remember back in March when C Brown was on Good Morning America, got pissed and smashed a window? My illegitimate cousin spazzes out so much that you have to spell out every detail to differentiate his terror attacks.
But it wasn’t so bad: Cousin Chris causing a spectacle is like gas prices. Just when things seem stable, they go through the roof at a moment’s notice. It’s annoying and horrible, but you sorta get used to it (which is also similar to the voice of his ex Rihanna. Hmmmm…). I’m gonna have to give that guy a talkin’ to over Christmas dinner.
Justin Bieber’s mustache
The offense: Did you not see the picture?
But it wasn’t so bad: At least he got a haircut. His hair used to look like something my aunt made in pottery class. I just wish he hadn’t glued the remnants to his upper lip.
Kim Kardashian’s 72 days of wedded bliss
The offense: London got the Royal Wedding, we got this. Kimmie K and her beau, that basketball dude who looks like an 11-year-old on stilts, dragged America into their lavish nuptials. And it was all good – till divorce was filed three months later. Three months! Tempestt Bledsoe’s talk show lasted longer than that. America got even saltier when it was reported that the couple made $18 million off the wedding.
But it wasn’t so bad: Sure, it was pretty ridiculous and I would ask for my wedding gift back (I can reuse that blender, playa), but why wasn’t this expected? Don’t y’all watch the show? The Kardashians are more like the Addams family than the Cosbys. I think people were more angry that they got caught up in the hype than at Kimmie K herself.
And who could stay mad at that face?
Rick Ross hospitalized, gets greasy chicken afterward
The offense: Rawssssse, somehow recognized as one of the year’s premier rappers despite only talking about drugs and food, was hospitalized in October after a pair of seizures. In fact, he received care at the University of Alabama-Birmingham, mere minutes from Georgia Mae Headquarters. But the next day, Ricky Hongray was spotted at a Memphis WINGSTOP. No wonder people think black folks don’t take their health seriously. I guess he needed inspiration for more of his Crunch n’ Munch raps.
But it wasn’t so bad: Apparently the Bawssssse merely made an appearance at a store opening, not to drown his sorrows in hot sauce. But look at that smirk on his face and those greasy lips – you can’t tell me he didn’t sample a nine-piece. I hope he didn’t get watermelon with his chicken. Ugh.
By the way, DJ Khaled almost received a Playa Please nomination for his dazzling array of husky Walmart tracksuits.
Herman Cain: Pizza, politics and pimpin’
|Courtesy TalkMediaNews via Flickr|
The offense: Godfather Pizza CEO Herman Cain spent months running his mouth and finger pointing, until his past intervened. Cain went from front-runner for the Republican party presidential nomination to back seat of the turnip truck after about 97 women claimed he tried to kneed their dough. Mr. 9-9-69 wisely suspended his campaign.
But it wasn’t so bad: As stubborn as the dude is, at least he was smart enough to know when to call it quits. Now he can resume his normal duties as political know-it-all at the family cookouts.
So, who could do something more vile and embarrassing than the luminaries mentioned above? Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the inaugural Playa Please award:
Soulja Boy disses American troops
The offense: Days before the 10th anniversary of 9-11, this clown, whose breath probably smells like the heat when you turn it on for the first time in the winter, had the nerve to debut a song with lyrics that trashed the Armed Forces: “F**k the FBI and the army troops… fighting for what? Be your own man… I’ll be flying through the clouds with green like I’m Peter Pan.” He apologized after he realized that his skinny, shirtless minions wouldn’t be able to help him in a fight with a bunch of angry Marines.
Why it WAS so bad: No matter your stance on our government or the War on Terror, those troops risk their lives so guys like Soulja Boy can coon around and make millions off their minstrel-show raps. His comments show how clueless and out of touch he really is – if you couldn’t already tell from his music.
Who else deserved a nomination this year?
*Special thanks to @tookasample for inspiration and @sageryu21 for his design expertise.