Love Letters: Clubbin’ + Lies = Divorce?

Judging by these questions, y’all have some dramatic love lives. Hit me up for my sage advice.

Send your inquiries to, or find me on twitter @etbowser. Just provide your initials, or a fun nickname.    

Here’s today’s question:

What if you find out your spouse went out to a club, got somebody’s number and told that person that y’all were separated and y’all weren’t? And that person later called your spouse’s phone while you were around. Would be justified to snap? And is it grounds for immediate divorce?

Caught ’em Creeping

Uh, yes. Please snap.

See you next week, everybody!

Well, um, I guess I should elaborate a bit. Clearly, CLEARLY, the spouse is all kinds of wrong. Not only is the spouse totally disrespecting your marriage, another person is unknowingly getting dragged into the drama.

I’ve said it before and it bears repeating – there is NEVER any justification for cheating. I don’t care how lame your boo is or any other excuse: If you don’t wanna be with your partner just break up with them, THEN get your creep on (word to Lisa “Left Eye” Lopez). Running around on your mate – even if the relationship is on the rocks – does nothing but fuel already burning fires (word to Lisa “Left Eye” Lopez).

Here’s one thing I’d like to stress – I hope your anger is not totally directed toward the person your spouse met in the club. Case in point: Cheaters.

Yeah, yeah, I watch Cheaters, and I love it. Y’all watch Jersey Shore and the Housewives. Leave me alone.

Anyway, it drives me nuts on that show when the jilted woman attacks her man’s mistress. Why attack the mistress? Whether she knew about the marriage or not, she has no loyalty to you – the cheating man is the true guilty party. It’s HIS marriage, after all.

In your case, the club beau thought the marriage was over – that person is not at fault. It’s your spouse’s responsibility to uphold the marriage, not the clubber. That needs to be your focus.

Now that we’ve established that your spouse is pond scum, I do not think this incident alone is immediate grounds for divorce. No, that wasn’t a typo. Assuming this club crap was an isolated event and the creeping spouse is truly sorry, then you should at least attempt to mend fences. Marriage should not be treated like a junior high relationship, in which you break up every time there is drama. A marriage requires a much deeper level of commitment and, yes, forgiveness. The wifey and I enjoy a very healthy marriage but if we broke up whenever something went down I’d be a five-time divorcee by now.

Yes, your spouse was wrong, stupid, disrespectful, etc., etc.  but a true marriage can endure even the most vile offenses. I wouldn’t be so quick to throw in the towel.



  1. I agree with you that marriage is no longer like junior high relationships. To make a marriage work you have to learn to forgive and it truly requires a deeper level of commitment.

  2. After reading this plot, I can connect it to real life. Women feel neglected and cheats. It goes both ways.

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