Love Letters: I Gave My Baby’s Father Six Months to Propose, Or Else. Was I Wrong?

So yeah, the world completely flipped-turned upside down since I last cracked open the Love Letters mailbag.

KARONAHVYRUS!!! *Cardi B voice*

Y’all stay safe, stay informed and most importantly, social distance FAR AWAY from toxic relationships.

Remember, your significant other just might be your co-star in the apocalyptic screenplay we’re currently living. Choose wisely.

And before we dive into today’s questions, be sure to follow Party of Two with Edward and Javacia on Facebook, where my wife and I share relationship advice and break down questions from viewers. There’s lots of episodes for you to binge – go check it out. I’m sure your schedule is free. It’s like Love Letters, except on TV! If your iPhone was a TV, that is.

In the meantime, here’s how you can get into the Love Letters rotation:

Send your inquiries to soulinstereoblog@gmail.com, or find me on Twitter @etbowser. Just provide your initials, or a fun nickname. 

Here’s today’s question:

I’ve been with my baby daddy for six years. We have a 2-year-old son. I told him six months ago that if he didn’t make an honest woman out of me I was leaving. He proposed on Valentine’s Day. My family and friends say I shouldn’t marry him because he gave me what was called “the hush ring” – that means he gave me a ring to shut me up about marriage. My friends fear that he really doesn’t want to marry me and if he does he’s going to mistreat me because that’s not what he wants for real. They say that if I had to darn near beg him the situation isn’t right. What’s your opinion on this?

NE

The Hush Ring. Sounds like straight to DVD horror movie.

Anyway, it’s funny – well, maybe not so funny – but by the time I got to your ultimatum in the third sentence, visions of Jagged Edge and their matching leather outfits starting dancing in my head.

This proposal is the living equivalent of JE saying “we ain’t getting no younger, we might as well do it.”

Your friends have every right to worry. Ultimatums might be fun on TV in Tyler Perry land or when you’re frontin for strangers on social media, but they often result in unhappy endings.

Let’s walk this back a bit – I don’t think it was wrong of NE to voice her frustrations with their relationship. If she desires to get married and my man was dragging his feet, she has every right to question their future.

The problem is the “you got six months or you’ve got an ex” ultimatum, which may have forced homie to jump into something he wasn’t prepared to handle.

And that might be something SHE might not be able to handle.

Marriage is a solemn commitment between two people. If one of those people has to be dragged by the nose down the aisle, best believe that commitment isn’t in the equation. And allow me to speak as someone who has been wearing a wedding band for nearly a decade and a half – BOTH parties have to be invested in this thing. Without commitment, you’re basically two roommates with a kid.

All is not lost though – use this time before the ceremony to evaluate where you are. Get some counseling, examine your relationship and for Keith Sweat’s sake, ensure that your fiance is really committed to marriage.

And if he isn’t, step back.

Don’t rush so quickly into marriage that you slam straight into divorce.

And speaking of divorce, today’s Bonus Round:

Do you think the divorce rate will be going up with COVID-19 outbreak being that a lot of couples are quarantined together?

YW

COVID is about to be the ultimate relationship test. I won’t predict outright that the divorce rate will go through the roof, but I do believe that this quarantine life (especially if it’s prolonged) will have lasting effects on our society.

Hugs and handshakes could be reduced greatly. The economy may become a bigger disaster than my Cousin Chris Brown’s last few albums. But on the other hand, it could force us to see the value in personal connections, helping us to no longer take that time for granted. Either way, the way we interact, gather and ultimately live likely will be changed forever.

That includes how we interact with the people we spend time with every day. If you’re forced to be locked in your house with someone who you barely tolerate (or who barely tolerates you), well…

You better hold on to God’s unchanging hand.

Hope you’re paying attention, NE.

But there’s one thing I almost guarantee will happen – we’re ’bout to see an new baby boom. Stick a bunch of bored adults in a room indefinitely and watch the fetuses fly.

If our day cares are filled with kids named Karona Vyrus Jones and Qua’Ran Teen Jackson in five years don’t say I didn’t warn you.