Love Letters: Can A Relationship That Began From An Affair Be Successful?

secret lovers

Oh, lovvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvve
Never knew what I was missing
But I knew once we start kissin’
I found, lovvvvvvvvvvvvvvve
Never knew what I was missing
But I knew once we start kissin’
I fouwn-owwn-owwn-owwn-owwn-owwn youuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

I love you too, Keyshia, but that song was … whew lawd.

ANYWAY, lemme be nice. I have plenty of opportunities to be shady down below. If you’ve got love questions, we’ve got love answers! Here’s how:

Send your inquiries to, or find me on Twitter @etbowser. Just provide your initials, or a fun nickname. 

Here’s today’s question:

Do you think a relationship can actually be successful after it began from an affair?


Sometimes I feel like y’all make this relationship stuff way too complicated.

For instance, I get a depressingly large amount of emails asking some variation of the question “how will I know if my significant other will cheat on me?”

Well if boo thang ALREADY cheated on his or her ex to be with you.…


But let’s back up.

First, let’s get a thing or two straight – by no means will I ever condone cheating. It’s such a cowardly act and no circumstance will justify it. I don’t care if the ex “wasn’t compatible,” or the ex “was probably cheating too” or whatever excuse used to save face. Bottom line, if you don’t wanna be with someone (and if you’re sniffing someone else’s draws, it’s obvious you don’t), just break it off. At the core of an issue, the only reason a cheater won’t call it quits is due to insecurities, selfishness or straight-up fear.

That said, I don’t believe the old “once a cheater, always a cheater” adage. It’s a lazy mindset that assumes that people aren’t allowed to grow and mature.

It’s the very reason why I don’t buy the Internet’s silly “cancel culture,” like one mistake should doom you to a life of ostracization. You’ve seen the crazy questions I get on this page – with all the skeletons Y’ALL have in your closets, it’s best not to throw stones.

So yeah, a current relationship that was born from deception and the destruction of a previous relationship is bound to have TSA amounts of baggage. But if the parties have accepted fault, learned from mistakes and builds the new relationship from the ground up, yes, it can work.

Because people CAN change.

But if things go wrong, you can’t say you didn’t see it coming.

And on a related note, Question No. 2:

Do you think a home can be wrecked that wasn’t already in shambles ?


Screen Shot 2018-11-05 at 1.37.07 PM

That sounds like a Drake lyric that brainless 14-year-olds will think is so witty and irresponsible grown folks will use to justify living foul.

Yes, there’s a greater chance of a home being wrecked if it’s already in disarray, but if you come blazing through somebody’s doorstep like a drunken bulldozer it’s gonna get wrecked regardless.

The best way to resolve that? STAY OUTTA OTHER PEOPLE’S HOUSES. Y’all need to own up to the chaos you create.

I’m in a good mood, let’s squeeze in one more:

Is it necessary to delete an ex’s picture when you begin dating a new person?


I love y’all, I really do, you keep the lights on at ol Soul In Stereo Studios. So keep those pageviews a’ comin’.

But like I often say in this space, y’all need to be talking to your partners about these things, not this playa.

In this case, I think it’s definitely worth a convo with your partner. If he or she is bothered by your ex’s presence on your social media pages, you certainly should respect their wishes and hit the recycle bin. Not only could the old pics be a sore spot, but it’s also just confusing. It’s hard for your friends and fam to know  you’ve moved on to a new relationship when your IG timeline is filled with pics of you and your girl half-naked at a beach talmbout #MYHEARTBEAT. Also, what does it say about your commitment to this new person if you’re still hanging on to the past?

If your current boo is cool with retaining those old pics, I guess it’s cool to keep them up. But if you’re asking me, I’d say they need to be wiped from your timelines. Social media is basically a visual representation of your life, and having a bunch of random old flames on your page makes that vision (and your commitment) very cloudy.


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