Love Letters: Is There A Double Standard for Men In Interracial Relationships?


Ready for another trip into the Love Letters mailbag?

Let’s dig up some drama. And in case you’re wondering, here’s how you can get in on the action.

Send your inquiries to, or find me on Twitter @etbowser. Just provide your initials, or a fun nickname. 

Here’s today’s question:

So why is it such a double standard with a black man dating a non black woman ? If he’s seen with any other woman but a Sista he gets eaten alive. Let a Sista start dating a non black man and she gets kudos for stepping outside of her comfort zone.


Well, I think in this case, the slander is in the eye of the beholder. You say that men get roasted for dating nonblack women – and lord knows they do – but I’ve seen just as much venom from bitter brothers when black women date elsewhere.

Hey, everybody, here’s a thought you may not have considered:


But I’ll indulge KJ for a moment – the topic of interracial dating hits especially hard for black women because history, society, and sadly, often their own community, has devalued them.

Their skin too dark. Their hair too kinky. Their lips too big. Their hips too curvy.

Of course, in 2019, you’ve got women literally buying parts to emulate those ‘undesirable’ black women, looking like living Ms. Potato Head dolls on Instagram. Playa please.

And from the male point of view, I definitely see where the hurt resides. For instance, back in my grade school, any brother who wound up dating a white girl got extra kudos from his peers. “Oh you got a white girl sweating you?!,” like he won some sort of unattainable prize.

Imagine witnessing that as an insecure black girl. It’s no surprise that that hurt continues to run so deep.

The resentment against Becky Wit Da Good Hair is real, dating back to those generational curses that have long haunted us. However, my original point stands, and none of us should have the audacity to stand in the way of someone else’s love.

We’d be better off if we stayed out of other grown folks’ business.

Now watch me get into more grown folks’ business! Question No. 2, again from KJ:

So on Mother’s Day my Cuz posted a Happy Mother’s Day shout out to his Mama, Baby Mama and his Wife. Some got offended and said it was in poor taste to thank his BM when he could’ve just text her a Happy Mother’s Day shout out. They said it was disrespectful to his wife. Now maybe I’m being insensitive but I don’t see how that was disrespectful. He ended up taking the post down to keep the peace. What is your take on this situation ?


So y’all mad that this man wished the mother of his children Happy Mother’s Day?

Wouldn’t it make more sense to be mad if he DIDN’T?

I think this goes back to the trope of men having adversarial relationships with their children’s mothers. Everything ain’t a soap opera, y’all – mature adults make mature decisions in the best interests of their families. Life isn’t always a Tyler Perry play. It’s not uncommon for ex’s to get along for the sake of their children.

Besides, did anyone bother asking how Baby Mama or Wife felt about the situation? Because their opinions are the only ones that matter, not the social media peanut gallery.

One more time for the people in the cheap seats:



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