Love Letters: My Partner Wants Me to Deactive Social Media. Should I?

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There’s nothing I love more than course-correcting rocky relationships.

Well, it’s second only to Sour Patch Kids. The red ones.

Since my Love Letters mailbag is looking uncharacteristically light, here’s your chance to get in on the action before I get backed up again.

Send your inquiries to, or find me on Twitter @etbowser. Just provide your initials, or a fun nickname. 

Here’s today’s question:

So I’ve met the man of my dreams. He doesn’t have any social media accounts. Now he wants me to delete all of my social media accounts because he says social media ruins relationships. I don’t agree. What is  your take on this?


A few years back, my wife and I were reminiscing about previous failed relationships. While most of my personal experiences could be boiled down to “ol’ girl was just crazy,” wifey shared some good insight.

Specifically, she now realized that in her younger days she was too quick to give up the things she enjoyed to make someone else happy. She was a relationship chameleon, constantly changing herself to match the image of that her current dude projected. At the time, she thought it was necessary to keep the peace. Now she realizes it was a mistake.

Now, let’s be real, social media can be pretty problematic – about 90% of the questions y’all ask right here are due to social media stupidity. Lord knows I’ve seen more relationships die in the DMs than blossom.

But that wasn’t due to social media. That was due to immaturity.

That’s why I’m not buying Mr. Perfect’s demands to deactivate your accounts.

I’m going to give this guy the benefit of the doubt and not assume he’s some controlling weirdo who wants to monitor every move you make and keep you under his thumb. Because if that’s the case, go ahead and move on to the next Soul In Stereo post, we’re done here. Cancel that guy. The end.

Instead, let’s assume his anti-social media stance comes from two things – either he has never used social media and doesn’t understand it, or he has negative experiences that have soured him on it.

Well, both of those sound like personal problems and have nothing to do with you.

I know we’re often defined by our pasts. We take those lessons learned as use them as building blocks for a better future. But it’s unfair for someone else’s insecurities to hinder your life.

Social media unquestionably causes relationship headaches but it’s silly to assume Instagram itself causes infidelity. Trust me, an unhappy partner with a wandering eye will get his fix from Snapchat just as easily as he’ll get it from some girl at the gym. Those problems may manifest on timelines but the root of those issues lie in the real world, not the digital one. You have to treat the cause, not the symptoms.

Y’all know social media, even with its flaws, is a huge part of my life. I’m willing to bet that goes for many of you too – that’s how you found this site, after all. But DW, if this guy is more hung up on your timeline than you, clearly Dream Lover ain’t so perfect after all.



  1. Hi iam going threw the same I thought I met the one he was perfect for me i was ready to move to where he lived into my own place as he had his own place and he wanted me to delete my social media he would always says other men can look at me and send me dms just assume I was talking to other men and I wasn’t I never took down my social media accounts and because of that reason he has ended the realisionship 8month long distance it was I seen him once a week and I really thought he was the one but now iam going no contact and to me I feel it’s a red flag ie controling behaviour so iam trying my best to move on and I will not ever consider going back he made the decision to end the realisionship because I never done what he asked so good bye and good luck because no one makes make do anything I don’t want to becoming stronger everyday

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