Love Letters: Did My Friend With Benefits Really Have Feelings For Me?

what about your friends

I love #BlogLikeCrazy month – it forces me to clean out my Love Letter mailbag. An empty inbox is a happy inbox.

If you’d like to get your question in and not have to wait three months for a response, this is the time to do it. Here’s how.

Send your inquiries to, or find me on Twitter @etbowser. Just provide your initials, or a fun nickname. 

Here’s today’s question:

So recently I parted ways with a young man I was having a “friends with benefits” thing going on with. We ended horribly (too much info to get into). Anyway, I straight went in on him. He in turns call his bestie. The bestie tell me he has never seen him that upset and could hear the trembles in his voice. Now according to my ex-friend-with-benefits he never had feelings for me. Now am I sitting on a high horse in saying he’s lying? No man reacts that way about a woman they had no feeling for.


I gotta say, it humbles me to know that our readers trust me enough to share these deep, dark questions with me. It proves that they respect my insight.

But there’s one thing y’all tend to forget – I’m good but, lawd playa, I’m no mind reader.


Did dude really have feelings for you? Uh, maybe? There’s not enough to go off of to definitively say for sure.

But one this that IS for sure is that you clearly pissed dude off. You said it yourself: “I straight went in on him.” Was he angry because he cared for you and you hurt his feelings or was he simply pissed because you called his momma a T-Pain lovin’, chitlin eatin’ Trump supporter (the greatest insult of all)? Hard to say, but your clapback clearly set the homie off.

I don’t know if he really cared for you. I’m not even sure if your verbal beatdown was necessary.

One thing’s pretty clear, though – at some point, YOU had feelings for this guy, which not only fueled your anger but also your curiosity about whether he felt the same. I mean, if you didn’t care about dude, none of this would be an issue, right?

So after delivering that lame non-answer, let’s go to a question I CAN definitively answer:

Why is it people are so quick to say there are no good men or women out there but in reality is the ones that are available they don’t want?


This question reminds me of people say that there’s no more good R&B or hip-hop.

They’re the people who settle for less because they’re too lazy to seek out better options. Same difference for the “all menz/womenz iz dawgz/hoez” crowd.

Put it like this – I didn’t meet my wife until I was 23 year old, and didn’t start dating until at least a year later. So I spent more than 20 years dating some of the weirdest, immature, most self-absorbed people on the planet. But as the old sayin’ goes, sometimes the journey is more important than the destination. Dating those duds allowed me to appreciate the diamond I later found.

And RM is right, sometimes people beg for their blessings then turn away from them when they aren’t packaged exactly like they want it. If you’re still putting six packs and cars over sustained employment and education, go back to junior high school. Again, take it back to R&B and hip-hop – fans BEG for a return to the classic sounds of the 90s and early 00s but when they’re delivered by someone other than our hand-picked chosen artists, we turn up our noses.

Half y’all are STILL sleeping on Bruno Mars’ latest album for the very same reason. It’s cool, go listen to Usher and Tank pretend to be 22-year-old trappers and cry about the death of R&B instead.

There ARE great men and women out here. I’m friends with many of them and I’d hook y’all up but I’m lazy. It just takes a little work to find them – and when you do, please don’t toss your blessings aside.


Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published.