Love Letters: My Guy Says He Doesn’t Want To Date But His Actions Prove Otherwise. Why?

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Love Letters time! If you’ve got relationship questions, I’ve got plenty of answers, with a side order of snark.

Send your inquiries to, or find me on Twitter @etbowser. Just provide your initials, or a fun nickname. 

Here’s today’s question:

So I’ve been dealing with this guy that says he doesn’t want to be in a relationship but he’s always asking me if I’m seeing other men, or when I go out how many men have been trying to talk to me. When I send him pics of myself he says “these aren’t pics you’re sending other men, are they?”  Why do men try to be so hard when they know they would love to be boo’d up. I just don’t understand.


Y’all know the old saying about men being from Mars and women from Venus – sometimes, it really does seem like the opposite sexes operate on two different planets.

But when you really think about it, we’re all the same weirdo aliens, Snapchatting dogs on our faces, taking pictures of our food instead of actually eating it and dancing poorly in IG boomerang videos.

Historians are gonna be SO confused by our generation, good lord.

My point, DW – and yes, I do have a point – is that men aren’t all that different than women in this situation. They’re simply playing hard to get.

It’s quite obvious that this brother is interested in you. I mean, you certainly wouldn’t ask an annoying, unattractive person about their dating life, would you? But instead of being direct, he just inquires about your current dating situation. That way he can get intel on the competition while also planting seeds in your brain that he’s interested, causing you to send your favorite relationship blogger emails about his mindset.


Why would he do that instead of just making his feelings clear? It’s the same reason why many women don’t do the same. We ALL love playing hard to get. While some ladies play coy because grandma n’ dem told ’em that it’s unladylike to show interest in men, some guys would rather seem disinterested and have women chase them for ego’s sake. Different methods, same rationale – no one wants to come off as thirsty, and no one wants to get rejected.

It’s proof men and women aren’t so different after all.

It’s also a miracle that any of us are in relationships at all when we’re all this crazy.

Oh and by the way, DW, just because he’s clearly interested in you doesn’t NECESSARILY mean he wants a relationship with you. The only clear thing here is that he wants to ensure you’re still on the market, not that he’s ready for vows. Don’t jump the gun.

Next up is KJ.

Do you think exes can work together?


By “work together” I’m assuming the homie means in a professional environment, and not “two exes raising kids together and not killing each other in the process.” That’s a whole ‘nother rant right there.

If you asked pre-marital Edd this question, it would have been met with a resounding PLAYA PLEASE. I’ve (sort of) dated coworkers in the past (long story) and both cases the drama left our place of employment pretty much like this:


It was a disaster area.

Though I’m still the reigning and defending Pettyweight Champion of the World, I’m more like Jay Z on 4:44 these days – the mature businessman.


It all comes down to professionalism. We’ve all worked with people we’ve disliked for various reasons but I approach my place of employment like a business, not a clubhouse. Whether we’re cool or not, I’m now more focused on the betterment of my profession and company than personal issues.

In order to work through those old wounds, BOTH sides have to be willing to be adults – that’s the tough part.

But yeah, working alongside exes is possible if both are willing to be adults.

Yeah, I know that’s asking too much.


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