Love Letters: Is It Wrong To Keep Tabs On Your Ex’s Social Media?

Y’all really love this Love Letters column, huh?

I’ve gotten a ton of emails, tweets and texts asking when we’d have a new edition posted, and readers have sent over enough questions to fill both sides of DJ Khaled’s bra.

Well, the wait is over.

Send your inquiries to, or find me on Twitter @etbowser. Just provide your initials, or a fun nickname. 

Here’s today’s question:

Is looking at an ex’s social media considered stalking? Especially if they’ve deleted you?


I know I say this on nearly every Love Letters post but I’m saying it again – I’m SO GLAD I got out of the dating game before they gave y’all social media.

It’s hard to find love in these social media streets. It’s like everyone you ever wanted to date, plus everyone you USED to date, plus all the crazy people you have no intention to EVER date are thrown in the same room. And they’re all fighting for attention.

It’s the grossest Hunger Games ever.

But let’s get to KH. I get the temptation to keep tabs on your ex. I mean, thanks to that handy search bar at that top of all your social media accounts, you can track down pretty much anyone.

But does that make you a stalker? Well, let’s ask the experts. According to good ol’ Google, a stalker is defined by these characteristics:

1. To pursue or approach stealthily (like having your friend “check up” on your old boo by creeping across his timeline)

2. To harass or persecute (someone) with unwanted and obsessive attention (like hopping in someone’s mentions to run your mouth when the convo has nothing to do with you)

3. To move silently or threateningly through (a place). (like scrolling through and liking two-year-old Instagram pics without leaving a comment)

Basically if you look like this three hours out of the day, you’re stalking, playa.


Sure it’s not technically illegal to peek at your ex’s public social media account (as long as you chill out on the harassment) but here’s my question – WHY DO YOU CARE

We’re talking about your ex, which, by definition, means your past. How are you going to build a future when you’re obsessed with yesterday?

Between my job, my community duties, working with my church, freelance writing, keeping up with family and friends, maintaining my house and yard, defending my title of Greatest Music Writer Alive, waiting for the Black Panther to hit theaters and striving to be the best husband possible, the LAST thing on my mind is what women in my past are up to.

Y’all need new hobbies.

Who’s next?

So I was dating a young man that was always bringing me back so-called information that my friends supposedly said. One time he told me that I had no business being friends with one of my friends because he didn’t like her. Then he told me one of my friends liked him and she told him some things that I supposedly said about the relationship. Now he could never tell me which friend it was. Needless to say our relationship ended. My mom said it was for the best because he was trouble and wanted to keep things stirred up. What is your take on this clown?


OK, slow down.

So you were dating a guy who says you  should dump all your big-mouthed friends because either he didn’t like them OR they were trying to Electric Slide in his DMs? BUT he can’t actually NAME these nefarious friends?


This dude is so lazy he comes up with half a lie then expects YOU to fill in the blanks. Playas are really out here creating Choose Your Own Adventure books for relationship drama.

THANK YOU for not being dumb enough to fall for these mind games. You don’t have time for that clown.

Besides, this is the only clown we acknowledge.



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