Ready for another round of me
prying into other folks’ business helping couples restore their love?
A couple of longtime friends of the site are back with a couple of issues. Let’s help ’em out.
And if you’d like to get in on the action, holla at me.
Send your inquiries to firstname.lastname@example.org, or find me on Twitter @etbowser. Just provide your initials, or a fun nickname.
Here’s today’s question:
I’m just wrapping up a relationship with a young man that was dead broke. I didn’t care because I liked him for the person he was. I was accused of not allowing him to be a man because I was taking care of everything. Now my question is: Should a man date if he’s broke?
I love when y’all answer your own questions for me – it gives me more time to watch 20-year-old anime and complain about 20-year-old rappers.
XXXtentaction? Y’all just picking consonants out of a paper bag to come up with rap names now?
Anyway, my dear DW, you nailed this in your second sentence: I didn’t care because I liked him for the person he was.
Seems to me like it’s outsiders (and maybe even your man himself, you didn’t specify) who had a problem with your former guy’s bank account, not you.
This column’s arch-enemy is the dreaded villain known as Gender Roles, where society determines your pecking order depending on if you sit or stand to pee. Gender Roles say that for a man to truly be a man, he has to provide for his woman.
Believe me, I’ve felt that pressure. Back in 2009 when I was between jobs for a couple of months and my wife was the sole breadwinner, I certainly felt less than. But it wasn’t because of her, mind you, it was because of the insecurities thrust upon me by society. If your woman is paying bills, then you’re no man, society says.
Well, you know what? Society sucks. Worry about your own house, not those who peep through your window.
There’s a BIG difference between dating a man who is broke and one who is unmotivated. More than half y’all reading this column may say your cheddar is better in 2017 but you know you grew up eating that bright orange block of government cheese.
Which was delicious, by the way.
Many of us have faced dire financial straits and despite what the Society Boogeyman says, there’s no shame in that. Coming through that fire made us stronger. We overcame. Not dating someone because they’re broke is short-sighted. Not dating someone because they’re unmotivated to do better is self-preservation.
You were right to stick by your man’s side and support him until things improved. Maybe his self-consciousness pushed you away, maybe the whispers from outsiders complicated things. Regardless, you did what you were supposed to do. Don’t let that deter you the next time you meet a great guy with pockets like rabbit ears.
Who got next?
According to Dr. Phil, you attract what you are or whatever vibe you’re sending out. Do you believe this to be true?
I’m not always in 100% agreement with ol’ Doc Phil. I mean, he basically made this thing a celebrity:
We need to do better.
And once again, I’m not 100% on board with the Doc’s opinion. Be glad you came here for a second opinion.
While the old “you are what you eat” adage is sometimes true in the dating world (lie down with dogs, wake up with fleas, blah blah blah) that’s not ALWAYS the case. There are plenty of gorgeous, wonderful, brilliant people who attract bumbling losers.
And why wouldn’t they? I mean, if you’re gorgeous, wonderful, brilliant, etc., of course the most raggedy moths will be attracted to your flame. The problem comes when the Beautiful Ones decide to actually pursue relationships with the goons n’ goblins.
So yeah, if you want a nice guy/girl in your life, that’s the image you should portray. But that alone won’t stop weirdos from showing up to your doorstep. You just have to have enough sense to not let them in your house.