Love Letters: Can You Cheat On Someone And Still Be In Love With Them?


It’s been awhile since I’ve dug through my inbox but don’t worry, I’m still chipping away at that growing pile of questions from the lovelorn.

Based on these emails, y’all are going through some thangs.  Thankfully, I’m here to help.

Just don’t be surprised if I yell at you for doing something dumb. Comes with the territory, after all.

Send your inquiries to, or find me on Twitter @etbowser. Just provide your initials, or a fun nickname. 

Here’s today’s question:

Do you think you can cheat on someone and be in love with them?


Yes, I do.

Because unlike what Tyler Perry told you, life isn’t always a drama-drenched soap opera where gun-wielding old women are our moral compasses.

Consult Google right now and you’ll find 10,000 bitter bloggers who say if your mate cheated on you, that person NEVER EVER LOVED YOU because you’d NEVER hurt someone you actually love.

Y’all must be living in a Hallmark card.

In the real world, things never work that way. In fact, we almost always hurt the ones we love most.

Don’t misunderstand me, by no means am I defending cheaters. And I will agree that in many cases, cheaters don’t love the men and women to whom they’ve pledged their commitment. Cheating is a selfish act that puts perpetrators’ needs above their mates. It’s the ultimate breach of trust and blatant disrespect of all parties involved.

Cheating is an extreme mistake. But that doesn’t necessarily mean there’s a lack of love.

And that’s why I’ve always been a proponent of forgiveness for cheaters.

I know your favorite artists told you ALL MENZ ARE DAWGZ and DEEZ HOES BE ACTIN’ UP, but we live in the real world, where people are flawed and mistakes are plentiful.

I’ll admit that I have many mistakes on my resume (calm down, that doesn’t include cheating). And LORD KNOWS y’all have made more mistakes than a Trump cabinet appointee. You should see the Love Letters that don’t get past the screening process, lawd.

There are a lot of cheaters reading this post right now who simply were never caught.

Cheating isn’t always the result of a nefarious scheme. Sometimes, it’s merely a lapse of judgement. It doesn’t necessarily mean that love don’t live here anymore.

It’s easy to paint all cheaters as black-hearted monsters. But life – and love – is rarely that black and white.

On that note, watch me go from nonjudgmental to full-on Judge Joe Brown. Question No. 2:

At what age do you stop dating a man with ‘potential?’


Age negative four.

I mean, are y’all really still dating guys based on who they COULD be and not who they ARE?

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Dating on “potential” is such a weird concept to me because ALL of us have potential to be greater. We all should be striving to reach that next level, and a good mate should be there to be that support system.

That’s part of being in a mature relationship, y’all. It’s not all sex and free housekeeping.

Essentially, we’re all still growing, and supporting your mate is part of life. However, if you’re dating someone who has spent years coasting on unfulfilled promises, that’s all bad.

I understand giving guys (and girls too) a chance to get on their feet and better themselves. But that’s not dating based on “potential” – that’s just being supportive. In my experience, dating based on “potential” is often a fabrication – the dater creates a world where his/her mate COULD be the next Nobel Prize winner, but when their boo lacks the motivation to match their mate’s imagination, they’re only left with disappointment.

That frog ain’t gonna suddenly transform into Price Rogers Nelson.


Date someone who works hard to achieve his dreams and support him. Hard work > potential any day.


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