Love Letters: My Boyfriend Won’t Make Our Relationship ‘Facebook Official.’ Is He Wrong?

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The Love Letter mailbag is reaching Nell Carter-levels of girth so it’s well past time to unload a bit of baggage.

Do you have a burning question about your love life? Send it my way.

Send your inquiries to, or find me on Twitter @etbowser. Just provide your initials, or a fun nickname. 

Here’s today’s question:

I’ve been dating this guy for about 6 months. We’ve officially been a couple for about 3 months. Now the problem I’m having with him is he doesn’t want to put me on social media as his girlfriend. He refuses to change his status to a relationship. He says he is low key and doesn’t want people in his business. I’m uncomfortable with this.


Man, I’m glad I officially retired from the dating game before being “Facebook official” was a thing.

Back when I was on the scene, when a gallon of gas was 98 cents and Sisqo had y’all singing about women’s draws, I kept my romantic life pretty discreet.

Don’t you know Bad Boys move in silence? Take it from your highness.

Anyway, outside of really close friends (or nosy folks who caught me out on a date, TMZ style) I rarely divulged specifics about my dating life.

I’m talking as rare as an Andre 3000 album. I mean, if you ask my family, the only girl I ever dated was my wife.


So why was I so secretive? Because, quite frankly, whom I dated was NONE OF Y’ALLZ BIZNESS. And I certainly wasn’t about to bring girls around my family for them assume rings eventually were gonna get exchanged.

But I know I’m talking about the stone ages of the late ’90s, not today’s social media era, where we feel obligated to snap, IG and Facebook Live any time we change the toilet paper roll.

And in that sense, I sort of empathize with you, AR. In today’s world, your relationship ain’t official until Facebook says so. It’s not wrong to think that way – it’s simply the way we’re conditioned in 2017. Sort of like back in the olden days, when a relationship wasn’t “real” until you met your mate’s parents.

But the difference in then and now is that you aren’t just meeting the parents, you’re dragging all 10 billion followers into your living room – from your grandma who keeps sending Candy Crush invites to all those ex’s who still lurk on your page to those jailbait chicks in bikinis who might as well have CATFISH tattooed across their foreheads.

I can’t blame your dude for not wanting to deal with that.

However, I understand where you’re coming from and your fears could be valid. His desire to be “low key” could be a sign that he’s not as committed to the relationship as you are – or at worse, he’s hanging out in the DMs of seven or eight other ladies. But life isn’t a Tyler Perry play, playa, things probably are not that extreme.

If you trust him, and I assume you do, I’d abide by his wishes. If he isn’t comfortable with blasting his business all over Facebook, that’s his choice. It doesn’t (necessarily) mean he has anything to hide. It just means he wants to keep this budding relationship between the two people that matter, and not the entire digital universe.

One more before we call it a day. What you got, DW?

Why is it that when you’re single people always want to introduce you to their single friend? Everybody that’s single isn’t interested in being hooked up. Don’t people know that everyone’s taste is different?


There’s always been this odd mentality that if a person is single (especially if this person is 30-plus) they must be SO LONELY and SO MISERABLE and life must be AWFUL for them.

Playa please, judging by the emails I get for this column, it’s the single folks who are the most well-adjusted. It’s those of you in relationships who need Jesus.

While it’s never good for someone to assume (as you know, it’s makes a Kanye West out of U and Me), I guess it’s kinda sweet that your friend wants to improve your life by, um, assuming you’re unhappy and, uh, hooking you up with someone you didn’t ask to be chained to…


…Yeah, OK, it’s not very sweet. It’s just stupid.

All you wannabe Chuck Woolerys out there just need to chill. It’s nice that you’d want to introduce cool people to each other so they can find love but let them make that decision.

Besides, Chuck voted from Trump. Don’t be like that guy.


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