At its best, hip-hop is an elite form of storytelling, one that paints vivid pictures of our communities and the experiences we share. Those stories can be powerful. Enlightening. Motivational. Ground-breaking.
Well, these are NOT those stories.
Today, we’re looking at the worst of the worst – 10 rap lyrics that will make even the most devout rap fan send their mp3s to the recycle bin.
Apologies in advance. This ain’t for the weak of heart.
10. “I’m black wit Indian, my race should be mutt.”
Magoo, “Up Jumps da Boogie”
We used to give Maganoo a hard time in the late ’90s for his Fisher Price flow, but he sounds like freakin’ Rakim next to the skinny-jean wearing trash bags on today’s airwaves. But that doesn’t excuse this line from Mag, where he basically compares his biracial heritage to those dog filters from Snapchat.
If Mag dropped that line in 2016, Black Twitter would call an APB for a public slaying.
Be glad you’re retired, Magoo. You’d get ALL THE THINK PIECES.
But you can’t talk Mag without his partner in rhyme:
9. “So just tell me – There’s no need to lie folk/Why you sleeping wit ya eyes closed?”
Timbaland, “Get on the Bus”
On this old Destiny’s Child cut, Tim spits WHY YOU SLEEPIN’ WIT YA EYES CLOSED!?!? with such dismay, like it’s the worst insult he could give to his inattentive woman.
Umm, who doesn’t sleep with their eyes closed?
Unless you’ve got nocturnal lagophthalmos (look it up, it’s a thing) or some kinda human/catfish mutant, I’m pretty sure you’re SUPPOSED to sleep with your eyes closed.
Except Timbaland, I guess.
8. “My wrist deserve a shout-out, I’m like ‘What up, wrist?’/My stove deserve a shout-out, I’m like ‘What up, stove?'”
2 Chainz, “Fork”
Yes, 2 Chainz is known for dropping the most hilariously dumb punchlines in the game. It’s part of his charm. But this time, he left out the hilarity and replaced it with an extra helping of dumb.
The man is literally talking to his hands and appliances. Either he’s got early onset Alzheimer’s or he somehow turned Pee-Wee’s Playhouse into Pee-Wee’s Traphouse.
I’d actually watch that show.
7. “I was In Too Deep like Mekhi Phife.”
Kanye West, “I Don’t Like It (Remix)”
Every time one of you Yeezy stans try to make a case for Kanye West as one of the greatest lyricists of our time, I present Exhibit A. Ye obviously wasn’t “in too deep” at all because NEITHER WAS MEKHI PHIFE. Omar Epps starred in the film “In Too Deep,” not Mekhi.
These are two different people, Ye. All black people don’t look the same. Take that Trump 2016 bumper sticker off your car, playa.
BTW, I almost went with Kayne’s “Are you into astrology, cause um, I’m trying to make it to Uranus” line from Jadakiss’ “Gettin’ It In” but I didn’t want to upset the homie Neil deGrasse Tyson.
6. “I don’t got no type/Bad b****es is the only thing that I like.”
Rae Sremmurd, “No Type.”
So these children wrote an entire song claiming they don’t have a preference in women, then say EXACTLY what they prefer IN THE SECOND LINE OF THE SONG.
I hate this song like spell check hates their name.
5. “If you don’t bring back my motherf***in money or my motherf***in dope, you can forget about Christmas n***a, cause you ain’t ‘gon even see New Years.”
Master P, “Do You Know”
Remember when Master P spent all that money on a gold tank?
Percy should have spent that money on a gold-plated planner. In what universe does New Year’s come BEFORE Christmas?
It’s August but P’s probably out here dressed for Halloween already.
4. “They taught me that I had to dream, Black History Month/I wake up and treat the day like Stack History Month/I’m talkin’ Malcolm Flex, Jessie Rackson/Front of the plane: I’m Rozay Parks”
Big Sean, “All Figured Out”
Ugh, this guy.
Every time I dare question the alleged greatness of Big Sean, the stans shed tears all over my timeline.
They taste like the sweetest Red Kool-Aid.
Medium Sean is the classic example of talking loudly and absolutely saying nothing. Stack History Month? Malcolm Flex? Jessie Rackson? Is this what MLK died for!? This is the most cornball collection of metaphors I’ve ever heard.
Just because something SOUNDS witty doesn’t mean it is.
3. “Moving in a Grand Prix, same color as thunder”
OJ Da Juiceman, “I’m Gettin’ Money”
Um, thunder is a SOUND, not an OBJECT. The lean y’all sippin’ on allows you to see sounds in HD now?
I’m glad they shipped this dude off to the Wack Rapper Retirement Home.
2. “I am a African American/But my b***h a stallion/Breath smell like Italian/Birds in Atlanta, no Falcon”
Young Thug, “Take A Picture”
Yeah, you knew this list wouldn’t be complete by an appearance by the human bacterium himself.
I don’t even know where to start with this one.
OK, we’re glad to hear he’s an African-American (even though we kinda figured that part out already) but what does that have to do with his girl being a stallion? And how does your breath smell Italian? Has he been kissing Robert de Niro? Or does Thugga just smell like anchovies all the time?
I bet it’s the last one.
Luckily this guy raps like he has a mouth full of Cinnamon Toast Crunch so it’s not like you can comprehend the garbage he spits most days anyway. God is good all the time and all the time God is good.
And finally, the most embarrassing rap lyric that has ever crossed our ears:
1. Lil’ B, “Erybody Know”
Listen to this travesty yourself. These six seconds will take years off your lifespan:
Big Baby Jesus wept.
How’d we go from the opening verse of “Triumph” to … this?
It only took six seconds for Lil B to lower the bar so drastically that pretty much ANYONE can pick up a microphone and claim to be a MC.
Which I guess explains these guys.
But keep your head up, Lil B – I’ve never seen a Starbucks that didn’t have girls there. Too bad they probably all think this song sucks too.
What did I miss? Share your worst rap lyrics below.