It’s been awhile since I’ve raided Cupid’s inbox for some of your love inquiries. It’s time to step my game up and give y’all a little insight.
Wanna get in on the action? It goes down in my DMs. Here’s how you can submit:
Send your inquiries to email@example.com, or find me on Twitter @etbowser. Just provide your initials, or a fun nickname.
Here’s today’s question:
I’ve been dating a young lady whom I thought was nice but I have my apprehensions now.
Anyway, I have two sons. My girlfriend and I were chilling at the house when my sons called and said they were stopping by. My girlfriend immediately jumped up and said she had to go.
I’m thinking, why all of a sudden do you have to bounce? This makes me think she doesn’t want to be bothered with my kids. Am I overreacting? Should I confront her?
After 10 years of marriage and 15 years of working in youth ministry and mentorship programs, people LOVE asking why it’s taking me so long to shove a tiny human into my wife’s belly.
Pro tip: Unless the judge is jackin’ your check for child support, stay outta other folks’ wombs.
Still, I understand why I get the kid inquiries, I guess. And while I might consider fatherhood someday, right now I’m good. After all, children are just miniature drunk adults – sometimes they’re entertaining, sometimes they’re annoying, but they’re ALWAYS expensive and breaking things.
Now I can’t speak for your girl, AT, but it’s possible she feels the same way.
Emphasis on “possible.”
There could be a multitude of reasons why your partner got ghost when she heard the little tax dependents were on the way over. Maybe she remembered she had other plans. Maybe she had a severe case of the bubble guts and couldn’t hold them in any longer (if so, cheers to her politeness). Maybe she hates kids – or maybe she loves kids but just wasn’t in the mood for them at the moment.
I love (most) kids, but sometimes I’m just not prayed up enough to deal with them 24/7.
Come on, y’all know your kids, don’t act like they aren’t uncontrollable demons half the time.
Of course, this is all speculation and begs a bigger question: Have you and your partner discussed kids at all? In your case, kids aren’t a future possibility, they’re your present reality. If this relationship progresses, your girlfriend needs to know that you and your kids are a package deal. If that’s something she can’t deal with, well, she needs to re-evaluate her life choices.
So don’t just ask me if your girl dislikes kids – ask her. Now don’t be confrontational and certainly don’t be judgmental when she shares her honest feelings. But whether she realizes it or not, this relationship includes children. She has to come to terms with that.
I think we’ve got time for a bonus question:
I’m a 34-year-old single female. People ask me all the time why I’m still single. My family says I’m too picky. Do you think you can be too picky?
One minute families are harassing folks about kids, the next they’re hassling them for being single.
Lord, and y’all wonder why your cousins only show up for the Christmas yams.
Forget what your auntie n’ dem say, there is value in being picky about whom you want to share your life with – within reason, that is.
You want a man who can contribute to your household? Good, be as picky as possible.
You want a man who is between 6’2 and 6’4 who owns a house, has no kids, pushes at least two different cars, has the complexion of Morris Chestnut, can sing like Morris Day and graduated from Morris Brown College? Playa please, your relationship is not a game of Guess Who.
Be selective, just not silly. I mean, you’ll theoretically be with this person the rest of your life, better make sure you get the person who is most compatible with your life.
That is, unless you prefer being single. That’s perfectly fine too, despite what your divorced, lonely and bitter family members tell you.