Shout out to NPR for recently quoting this column and giving me the status of Relationship Advice Giver.
As if my head couldn’t get any bigger, now y’all gotta deal with me bragging about THAT for the next 50 years. Good luck and godspeed.
But y’all didn’t come for empty boasts, you came for the wisdom that only an expert Relationship Advice Giver can provide. Here’s how you can get in on the action.
Send your inquiries to firstname.lastname@example.org, or find me on Twitter @etbowser. Just provide your initials, or a fun nickname.
Here’s today’s question:
So I’ve met a nice guy that I’m really digging. The thing that’s holding me back from him is that he comes with two children. My grandma always said that if a man comes with more than one child he has no money and what money he has is going toward child support. Now do you think I’m judging the situation fairly?
Soooo, what would happen if I told your grandmother that she doesn’t know what she’s talking bout?
Yeah. Probably all of that.
I do think there’s a kernel of truth to her words. If you’re entering a relationship with a man who already has kids, his priority, rightfully so, should be his children.
Of course, grandma n’ dem LOVE to boil everything down to money, but there’s more to a relationship than than that. More important than just buying you stuff, any good father devotes his most valuable resource — his time — to his children.
So grandma is right in a sense — entering a relationship with a committed father means less for you. Maybe less money, but more likely less time.
But if you ask me, you shouldn’t let that scare you away from good man.
A good father already has the instincts of a good mate — a provider who is attentive to the needs of his family. That family, of course, is already larger than just the woman he’s dating.
And I realize dating a father comes with lots of potential disadvantages — dealing with kids you can’t even claim on your taxes and the most feared creature in all of dating, THE DREADED BABY MOMMA.
Still, don’t hold a man’s circumstances against him. Grandma MIGHT be right, his pockets could be in bad shape. But if he’s a good dad, you know his heart’s in great shape. Money can’t buy that.
KJ’s back for this week’s bonus question. She’s gotten more free love advice around here than anyone:
Do you think hanging out with a lot of females or unattractive females could cause men not to approach you?
Just like grandma in CJ’s question, I think y’all got the game slightly tangled n’ twisted.
It’s not that men have some aversion to large groups of women in general, like they’re roaming bands of vandals in some post-apocalyptic future.
At least not until Trump gets elected anyway.
The greater concern among some brothers is that more women = more pettiness, more unnecessary judgement, and more chances for those friends to meddle in a budding relationship.
Yeah, I know, it’s a tinge sexist, but living your life by society’s cultural stigmas will do that to you.
But you’re right – some guys are turned off by women who, gasp, hang around large groups of other women. That’s why guys often wait for a woman to break from the pack before making their move.
(Though I will note that it can be awkward for a guy to make acquaintances with a girl with a bunch of extra people lingering around. It could be seen as rude.)
While I understand the mindset, it’s silly to expect women to not hang out together in public just because a man might not swing their way, KP & Envi-style.
Ladies, do you. If a brother wants to make an effort to get to know you, he’ll find a way, trust me.