The Playa Please Awards: The Worst Celebrities of 2015

Boy did we have our share of disappointments in 2015.

Every December, Soul In Stereo takes a look back at the public figures whose unbridled ignorance made you want to throw hands at your computer screens.

Misfits

Yep, it’s time for the annual Playa Please Awards, the worst in the world of pop culture. For this year’s list, I decided to ignore obvious political candidates (because they would consume the whole list) and instead focus on a few other familiar names.

Let’s look back at five faces I’m sure you wish you could forget.

 

Creflo Dollar takes church folk for a ride

creflo dollar

The offense: Listen, I know times are hard. Half y’all still put Canadian pennies and groupons in the church offering basket and scream “but Da Lawd knows my heart!” That ain’t gonna fly at Creflo Dollar’s church — literally. The mega-vangelist asked his congregation for 65 MILLION DOLLARS so he could buy a jet to spread the gospel. And he got it!

jim-jones-money-dance-o

It’s bad enough that his name sounds like a pimp from GTA: Vice City — he’s also pretty adept at running game. I can think of 65 million ways that money could have an immediate impact: assisting homeless, funding educational outreach, investing in the business district (lord knows ATL has enough raggedy wig shops). Any of these would be better than buying a Gulfstream G650. Y’all too good to ride coach now?

But it’s not so bad: I know the first thing critics will yell is “Jesus traveled by donkey!” Yeah homie, that was also in the year -3 — and unless you’re a fat man bearing gifts I bet you’re not riding to work on a reindeer either. Having a plane for overseas ministry actually isn’t a horrid idea in 2015. But  a 65 MILLION DOLLAR PERSONAL JET? Sorry, Dame Dash, Creflo is the ultimate hustler.

Meek Mill’s homegoing service

meek mill career

The offense: Sorry to break it to you, but Meek Mill was always a garbage rapper, screaming his bars like he was yelling into the Wendy’s drive-thru speaker. But y’all know what they say: The loudest voice in the room is always the meekest weakest. Meek was slaughtered not once, but TWICE by a man who spent the year dancing like your uncle when they play Midnight Star at your family reunion.

hotline bling

Honestly, the “battle” was pretty lame, more like Tom & Jerry than Nas and Jay Z. But hey, Drake’s “Back to Back” became the first battle record nominated for a Grammy. Meek just took his ball and went home.

miley trash

But it’s not so bad: I’m FAR from a Drake stan but I gotta thank the little homie for exposing Meek’s transparent tough guy routine. It’s only so long fake thugs can pretend. Drake’s pimp hand might be as soft as a pillowcase filled with gummy worms but it’s still stronger that Meek’s. Props.

drake hand

 

Future: What a Time to be a Lie

dirty sprite 2

The offense: For reasons that only confirm the apocalypse is coming, Future became one of the most talked-about rappers of 2015. That’s despite the fact that he can’t rap, his singing is laughable and his beat selection is downright boring. Basically, Future is what happens when Kanye’s embarrassing 808s & Heartbreak album wishes to become a real boy. Even though he gave us 12 months of music that sounds like alphabet soup in a garbage disposal, that STILL wasn’t his biggest offense.

Future ran to social media like a 12-year-old girl to pick Twitter fights with his baby’s mother Ciara and her new man Russell Wilson, complaining about other men being around his son and claiming his planned marriage with Ciara failed because “I can’t have all these big-a** media outlets cover my wedding.”

Future, of course, tells this to a “big-a** media outlet.”

get out

But it’s not so bad: Future is a great case study in how NOT to be an adult. If you have issues with your ex, your child, or your job, DON’T RUN YOUR MOUTH ON TWITTER. It’s not gonna help your case. You just look extra stupid when more rational people speak up.

ciara tweets

Pro tip, CiCi: You don’t have to capitalize every word in your tweets. These are not Tyler Perry movie titles, playa.

 

Rachel Dolezal catfishes the entire black race

rachel d

The offense: Rachel Dolezal, NAACP chapter president in Spokane, Wa., spent her adult life speaking on the plight of African-Americans and helping black girls to embrace their inner beauty. You know, loving who you are, being true to yourself and forcing the world to accept you as God made you.

OH BUT LIFE COMES AT YOU FAST.

unmasked

That black lady ain’t black. That’s some NEXT LEVEL blackface.

Even after Dolezal’s lily white family blew her cover, she didn’t blink, saying she identified as black and that there was nothing wrong with her actions.

Oh yeah, there’s not a thing wrong with BLATANTLY LYING for years, wrapping yourself in black culture like a Halloween costume, then parade around crying about struggles you never really faced. She could have done great work for African-Americans as HERSELF.

Now, excuse me, I have to get dressed for work.

chappelle

But it’s not so bad: To her credit, Dolezal has reportedly done lots of great work for African-American communities. I do think her heart is in the right place. It’s her brain I worry about — her modern-day minstrel show did more to unravel her work than any Klansman could have.

However, there is a greater disturbance in the Force, a woman much more vile and despicable…

Quote this Raven nevermore

raven

NASA confirmed there’s water on Mars this year, so why can’t we send this woman there and be done with her?

Raven-Symone has been living that trife life since 2014 when she proudly proclaimed that she wasn’t black or African-American and that her ancestors are from almost “every continent” in Europe and Africa.

But like her geography teacher, I gave her a pass and let her slide by.

Then she had the audacity to defend racists who compared First Lady Michelle Obama to apes.

But seeing that she dresses like a Dragon Ball Z character, I assume her eyesight and judgement is impaired. I let the child slide again.

tapion

THEN she had the gall to say she would discriminate against someone with a black-sounding name.

NO SIR.

Raven-Symone — a woman whose own name sounds like it should be stuffed in a pack of 64 ghetto Crayola crayons — has the nerve to criticize someone else’s name?

I’ve got some names I could call her too but it’s the holiday season and I’m tryna stay on Santa’s “nice” list.

But it WAS so bad: At a time in our country where discussions about race and perception are extremely vital, the last thing the Black Delegation needs is sheltered child actors derailing the conversation. Her self-hate is destructive not just to herself, but everyone who soaks in her poison while watching her TV show. I know y’all tend to brush her foolishness aside because of fond memories of the Cosby Show, but we all see how THAT turned out this year.

Raven-Symone was one of the worst things 2015 had to offer, that’s why she gets the dishonor of our 2015 Playa Please Award.  Lady, you need to do better.

play please award 2015

Props to my man Charles Clark for our annual Triflin’ Trophy.

Who else deserved dishonoring this year? Let a brother know in the comments.

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2 Comments

  1. Excellent as always, Ed! Honorable mentions could go to Elizabeth Hasslebeck for wondering why “Black Lives Matter” isn’t considered a Hate group and even though you said no Political members, Uncle Ben Carson and his wife Candy should be there for his Pyramid theory and her rendition of the National Anthem. Who okayed her going up there to sing in front of people?

  2. I love you to death and I love this list but real talk-we don’t give Raven any more of a pass due to fond memories of “yesteryear” than you give R Kelly. While Raven used to be a child star and now has issues, R Kelly HAS SEX with children and gives them a lifetime of issues! See? No contest. Just saying.

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