Love Letters: How Do You Escape The Friend Zone?


Happy Cyber Monday, the day where the Internet blesses us with measly discounts that just get eaten up in shipping costs anyway.

The holiday season already has your boy moody. Not that it takes much to get me moody.

Allow me to direct my temperament into something more positive — if you’ve got a relationship question, you know who to turn to. (Hint: Not Steve Harvey.)

Send your inquiries to, or find me on Twitter @etbowser. Just provide your initials, or a fun nickname. 

Here’s today’s question:

They say the best path to love is having a strong friendship. I’m a 30ish-year-old woman that considers herself attractive, decent job, no kids. I feel I’m a great catch but I’m always being placed in the dreaded “friend zone.” What can I do to alleviate this problem?


Yes, the dreaded friend zone. I’ve spent so much time in it that I started getting credit card offers mailed there.

You’re right — I’ve found that a strong friendship is the best foundation for a sturdy relationship. And nothing sucks worse than building upon something that gets you relegated to “best buddy” status.

First things first: As tough as it may be, don’t blame yourself for getting friend-zoned. I don’t care how loud Jennifer Holliday/Hudson screams in a brother’s face, you can’t MAKE someone love you.

There’s really only one thing you can do — make it known verbally that you’d like to be more than friends.

Now I know your grandma told you that a woman can’t make the first move because “dats what them fast girls do,” and while I’m not saying you should slap a brother in the face with your draws, I think opportunities are missed because feelings so often go unsaid.

Think about it, if you start a friendship with someone and never express that you’d like to be something more, how would they know? My wife and I started out as good friends but after a few months I came out and essentially said, “I really like you, let’s try to take this further.”

I didn’t say it that lamely, of course. My game was tighter than that in my heyday. But I digress.

Of course, the fear of speaking up means that if the feelings aren’t reciprocated the friendship could fall apart. Been there, done that too. But if this is something you feel strongly about, why not go for it?

The one positive thing about the friend zone is that you know this guy better than any ol’ chick off the street would. You know how to talk to him and relate to him. You know his likes and dislikes. Use that to your advantage when opening up about your feelings.

Yeah, I know you could irreparably damage your friendship in the process — escaping the friend zone often comes with causalities. But if this guy is really worth it, just say so.


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