Love Letters: Why Do Men Love A Woman Who Can Cook?

Wondering if your new boo is worthy of meeting your family this Thanksgiving?

Before he or she shows up at your table, run ’em by me first. You know I always have an opinion. Here’s how:

Send your inquiries to, or find me on twitter @etbowser. Just provide your initials, or a fun nickname.

Here’s today’s question: 

Why do men want a women that can cook?


Ah, just in time for Thanksgiving. Back in the day, when a young lady at my church was interested in yours truly, my pastor told her: “The key to a man’s heart is through is stomach.” I wouldn’t say that’s totally true (it’s not like I proposed to the girl over a plate of hot bacon grease) but it does hold some merit.

Who doesn’t like to eat? You ladies would do backflips if this brother came walking in your bedroom holding a stack of pancakes.

Image via

Same goes for us – brothers love a good meal. Also, you can’t forget those dreaded society-based gender roles that pop up in nearly every one of these columns. Many men, myself included, grew up in a home with a mom who was a great cook. Naturally, we look to our parents as our marriage role models, so we too want a woman who can cook.

But here’s the thing – it’s dangerous to get hung up on that one aspect of a relationship.

Y’all know my wife is a magnificent woman. But cooking just isn’t something she’s passionate about. It’s not that she can’t cook – she makes many things very well – she’s just not fond of it and will only cook so she won’t die of starvation. But if I dismissed all her magnificent qualities just because she’s not the black Betty Croker (Bonita Croker?), I could be stuck with a great cook who I’ll have to take on the Maury show to take a lie-detector test.

Cooking is a great skill and it is a sign of a dedicated homemaker. But it shouldn’t be the end-all-be-all in a relationship. If you like to cook, great, fry up all the steaks you can for your man. He’ll enjoy it (although his arteries won’t). If cooking isn’t your thing, make that clear upfront and hopefully he can respect that. You can even try cooking together to spice things up. Whatever you choice, don’t let your relationship disintegrate over the dinner plate.

And since we’re in the season of giving, it’s time for a bonus question!

Why is it that men can hurt a woman and she can get over it like a champ but when a woman hurts a man he carries animosity about it for awhile like a baby?


Playa, are you new here? Half the questions I get are from women who act like babies are trying to cope with  animosity issues. There are few things more painful than a broken heart. The problem is that some people – male and female – wallow around in the pain, like somehow torturing themselves with the drama will magically make things better.

News flash – it won’t.

It’s easy for me to say “get over it” when I’m not dealing with the pain of a broken relationship. But the only way to move on from the hurt is to literally MOVE ON – distance yourself. No thinking about the offender, no stalking him/her on Facebook, no more talking about the drama endlessly with your friends. It just breeds animosity.

Pain isn’t restricted to a specific gender. Thankfully, neither is healing.



  1. I knew you’d mention my disdain for cooking in this post. LOL. I’m glad that you don’t expect me to be like your mom, but I promise we won’t starve.

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published.