Love Letters: Is It OK For Men to Look at Naughty Pics?

Looking for love advice? Need an objective ear? Looking for more bizarre pictures of Rick James? You’ve come to the right place.

Send your inquiries to, or find me on twitter @etbowser. Just provide your initials, or a fun nickname. 

Here’s today’s question: 

My boyfriend keeps lots of pics of naked women and their body parts on his phone. He also follows pages on Facebook and Twitter that show nothing but naked women and sex clips. I don’t like it and I think it’s inappropriate. I’ve brought this to his attention but he thinks it’s not a big deal. Am I overreacting?


This post is going to get a lot of my boys in trouble. Sorry, guys.

Right off the bat, let’s make something clear: Just because your guy has pics of half-naked celebrities on his phone doesn’t necessarily mean he’s roaming the streets for prostitutes.

Wow, file that one under “sentences I never though I’d write.”

Why do guys hoard porn pics, you ask? Depends on the guy. Maybe he isn’t being fulfilled romantically, maybe he’s totally infatuated with a specific celebrity or maybe he just gets a kick out of them. I have a friend who thinks porn is hilarious and watches it like kids watch Family Guy… um, yeah, both those scenarios are kinda sad.

Anyway, to get to the bottom of your dude’s obsession you need to confront him about, which it seems you have, to no avail. And that’s actually a bigger concern than Deelishis’ booty.

It might be tough for some women to understand, but many men can separate the love of their mate and the lust of some random stranger. What’s the harm in looking at bikini pics of Beyonce? Without Jay-Z’s money, Jay-Z’s fame, Jay-Z’s prestige, or without actually becoming Jay-Z through some android technology there’s no way to actually land Beyonce, so what’s the big deal in admiring God’s handiwork? Guys, it could be a very big deal for your woman.

Unless this is your first day at Georgia Mae, you know the insecurities women face daily. From being told they’re not skinny enough, tall enough, light- or dark-skinned enough, or their hair isn’t straight enough, ladies have it rough. So it has to be demoralizing for a modest-sized woman to find that her loving mate has been gawking at dozens of women with Lee Press-On Breasts. If a sista woman who has been struggling with her weight finds her man’s personal photo gallery of 80-pound Puerto-Rican women, it could cut deeply. She might question if her man even finds her attractive.

In my experience, I’ve never known a man to keep illicit photos because they don’t find their current mate attractive. It’s always been sort of an extra-curricular activity. But that activity could unknowingly hurt the ones they love.

Let me say, though, that just because you’re taken doesn’t mean you’re no longer allowed to find other people attractive. We’re human beings, we’re allowed that much. Over on her other blog, the wifey randomly posts pics of that guy from Grey’s Anatomy with the weird eyes. I don’t really care because he has weird eyes. He’s no threat.

And just because I can, I’m gonna post a video of Christina Milian. Lord, she makes me sweat like T.D. Jakes. It’s cool, I’m sure the wifey won’t mind.

(If this video has been removed, I guess she did mind).

If your relationship is strong and without insecurities, admitting someone is attractive shouldn’t trigger the alarm for divorce attorneys. But if your mate’s constant fawning over the opposite sex is truly hurting you, I hope he can respect your wishes and chill out.

While the guys with the naughty pics are off sending anthrax to my inbox, the rest of us will advance to the Bonus Round.

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Why is it so hard to leave a bad relationship if the physical part is so good?


People who remain in bad relationships for sex remind me of kids who want ice cream for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Kids don’t have a concept of healthy well-being and only want to indulge in what tastes good. Kids don’t know any better. Adults should.

It’s all about self-gratification. I can’t tell you how many women (and men!) have told me that the only good thing in their relationship is the sex. They cling to that one positive aspect of and become obsessed with it, while everything else crumbles around them. The dater then gets more concerned with “getting theirs” instead of building a partnership. Sex BECOMES the relationship. There’s no need to leave as long as the main focus – sex – is in the forefront. But once that sex dries up it’s easy to see how hollow and desolate things have become.

If the only nourishment in your relationship is a steady diet of sex, sooner or later, you’re gonna be in a lot of pain. Ask the kid with the ice cream.

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  1. Good answer to a tough question. For some couples drooling over celebrities, etc., is no big deal. But if it makes your partner insecure you should be respectful of that.

    And, by the way, those pictures of Jesse Williams on my blog were not random. They were relevant to the topic at hand. That Christina Millian video, however, is random and if I weren’t such a believer in freedom of speech would be removed!

  2. Ahem, from your post on your blogger meetup. *Puts on reading glasses, then takes off reading glasses because they give me a headache*:

    ‘OK, so Jesse Williams wasn’t there, but I thought posting a picture of him on my blog two days in a row couldn’t hurt.’

    Sounds pretty random to me, playa. But it’s all good. I know you only have eyes for me. Because his eyes are too weird.

    • No, it was not random. The picture of him was a poster for The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2. So it fit because I was talking about the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pens. Totally relevant.

      And his eyes are not weird!

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