Quick Hit: 10 Small Talk-Appropriate Questions to Ask Instead of “So When Are You Two Going to Have Kids?”

I always know when the question is coming. With family it’s just after the first lull in conversation. With old friends it’s right after they realize it’s been more than five years since they watched me say “I do” at the altar. With people I’ve just met it comes after they learn that, despite my baby face, I’m 30 (gasp!). The question everyone can’t wait to ask, of course, is “When are you going to have kids?”
My answers vary, depending on my mood. “We want to wait until we’ve saved more money and bought a house,” I often say. Sometimes I’m more honest and explain that I’m not sure I want kids, but I only broach this topic when I’m prepared to defend accusations of hating God, hating my husband, and being a terrorist.                
My husband (whom I love very much, I promise) always tries to calm me when I’m ranting about how I’m sick and tired of people’s overwhelming concern about the future of my reproductive organs. He says people don’t mean any harm. They’re just trying to make conversation and simply don’t know what to say.
So I decided to help these poor folks out and compile a list of 10 small talk appropriate questions you can ask me that are sure to spark conversation and have nothing to do with my uterus. And The Hairpin, one of my favorite websites, decided to publish my list. Click here to check it out. 


  1. I think it’s great that you’re waiting. I wish I had.
    I’m tired of people asking me if I’m going to have more kids!
    I just turned 30 yrs old on July 12.
    I have 3 girls. Isn’t that enough? Give me a break!

  2. It is SO rude for people to ask this question. I get the same question sometimes and it makes me want to tell them somethin’ that would make Jesus blush.

    The point is this, stay in your own lane. It’s NOT ok to pressure people into having a child/children. I am not that far from 30 and can’t even imagine having a child to care for.

    My dog is ENOUGH. A child is a BIG responsibility, one that many people don’t even take serious. I am an imitation kid-lover…With that said… mind your own ____ ____ business (fill in the blank with you own colorful words).

    More power to all of the happy parents, but as of now, I will pass!

  3. Thank goodness to actually know that there is another happily married 30 year old out there that isn’t ready to have kids (and may not have kids ever). We have been married 7 years and all our siblings already have kids. We have plenty of reasons why we don’t have kids, and I think it is unfair that everyone just assumes that everyone is going to have kids. That’s like asking someone how often they have sex, or how much money they make! WAY too personal. Thanks for the post and hopefully educating some people that this question is NOT appropriate 🙂

  4. Shawndra, it’s good for me to know we’re not alone too! And you are so right: it is unfair, annoying, and frankly stupid to assume that EVERYONE wants kids. And congrats again on your new life adventure. I’m so proud of you!

  5. See if you’d just stayed single like me you wouldn’t have to worry about such things! Yay for being single!

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