Love Letters: Thrill of the Chase

Forgive me if this edition of Love Letters is a bit choppy or formatted improperly. Over at Georgia Mae Headquarters, the hard drive on my desktop pulled a Dave Chappelle – it went nuts and stopped working. That wasn’t a huge deal, since we still had wireless Internet via the wifey’s laptop. But a few days later, our Internet inexplicably went down, putting us in the Stone Ages.

Brighthouse better fix it today…

In order to serve you, the faithful reader, I came into the office early to answer your burning questions. This is the first blog I’ve written on my new office Mac – and I’ve been fighting with it all morning. Who knows how this will turn out.

But enough about me, let’s see what’s going on with you.

Ladies, send your inquiries to, or find me on twitter at @etbowser. Dudes, you can get in touch with Javacia at Just provide your initials, or a fun nickname. 

Here’s today’s question:

Why is it that when you want a man he doesn’t want you but when you back off, that’s when he shows interest?


Sorry ladies, you are just as guilty of this as we are. Long-time friends of mine will back me up on this: In college, I did a lot of dating, but nothing serious. There were a couple of ladies I would have liked to get closer to but whenever it came up, they weren’t interested.

But the second my future wifey stepped in the picture, things changed. When one girl found out I had flowers delivered to Javacia down in Alabama,  she said: “I remember when you used to send me flowers!” And I replied, “and I remember you couldn’t care less.”

It’s the Mike Jones syndrome – “Back then, they didn’t want me/now I’m hot, they all on me.”

But I must admit I’m also guilty – during the early stages of my relationship with Javacia I tried to act too cool for school, but I quickly wised up before she ran off with Robin Thicke or that guy with the weird eyes from Grey’s Anatomy. He looks like he’s possessed by a ghost.

For a lot of us, the thrill is in the chase. It makes perfect sense – when a potential mate is pursuing you, it makes you feel desirable and wanted. It’s a feeling we like to stretch out as long as possible – whether we want to pursue a real relationship or not. But once the admirer begins to lose interest we freak out – we either don’t want to lose a good thing, or we just don’t want to lose that attention we crave.

It’s a tricky situation. A lot of guys play games, and you certainly don’t want to get caught up with a guy who doesn’t know what he wants. However,  I can’t say “if that guy doesn’t worship the ground you walk on immediately, kick him to the curb.” If that were the case I wouldn’t be married right now. It’s OK to let a guy sort out his feelings, check his ego at the door and realize that he could miss out on something special.

But don’t let yourself get jerked around for too long. If the guy’s feelings seem genuine after some time, give him a shot. That’s what Javacia did. If she hadn’t, she’d probably be chillin’ on the set of Grey’s right now, with 10 babies with ghost eyes.


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