Edd’s MANtra: The Detox Paradox

Hey, Dr. Dre fans, Detox is coming! For realz this time!

Yes, I know it seems like every other month that Dre reminds us that he’s still planning to release his third opus.

But this time is different. There’s a magazine cover and everything!

That’s Dre on the cover of XXL Magazine’s Decemeber/January issue, looking old and playing chess like Samuel L. Jackson from that BET Blackbuster Cinema classic “Fresh.” I guess looking pensive and playing chess is just what 50-year-old guys do. And yes, he’s truly, honestly, definitely ready to release the album this time. Definitely. From xxlmag.com:

“I’m really feeling it now. My energy has been back and forth with the record, tussling with doing it out of obligation, as opposed to doing it because I really feel it. My feelings about it have been going up and down. Now I’m in that place where I’m really feeling it, and it’s coming out right. It’s like, Yeah, I’m excited about it.”

And before you cynics say “we’ve heard this before…” Dre has music to back up his lofty promises this time! “Kush” and “I Need a Doctor” have both leaked this week. Of course, the last time Dre gave us the runaround, he also leaked that horrible track that sounded like he lifted it from Mortal Kombat 2’s character select screen.
And yet Dre’s ever-loyal fans still patiently wait for Detox. I don’t get it. I mean, patiently waited for I Love New York Season 3 for a couple of months, but long gave up on that. I just don’t hold on to dreams like I used to.

It boggles my mind that people are still clamoring for an album that has been promised to us since 2005. It’s the same vicious cycle – he reminds us that the album is coming, everyone gets excited, a lackluster new song mysteriously leaks, then Dre clams up for a few months and the cycle repeats. It’s like one of those Star Trek time loops – or Futurama time loops for those under 30.
During a time when the most effective way for an artist to promote his or herself is to flood listeners with song after song after song (Lil Wayne, Beyonce, etc) or to act like a complete lunatic (Kanye West) how does the enigmatic Dr. Dre remain on everyone’s lips by giving us nothing but empty promises?

It occurs to me that Dre has become Barack Obama of hip hop, it’s great hope for change. Older fans expect Dre to show up and to rescue us from the industry’s current doldrums. We’ll be partying like it’s 1993 – sipping our gin and juice while rollin’ in our six-fo’s. Newer fans might not be familiar with Dre’s music but they certainly know of his legend. And everyone wants to be part of history. Dre has done it before – his 1999 album 2001 was critical and commercial hit and a great return to form after a long layoff.

But 2010 is a much different landscape. Veterans face a much tougher road these days. Legends like Nas and Redman can barely get albums released. And formerly huge sellers like 50 Cent and Nelly can’t find 30 people to buy their new material – huh, I guess sometimes there IS justice.

Dre’s latest tracks aren’t bad but they’re far from mind-blowing. “Kush” is as moldy as 4-month-old banana bread, with the same ol’ piano loops and weed talk that he’s been using for 15 years. And Eminem totally dominates him on “I Need A Doctor.” In fact, it sounds like a leftover from Em’s Recovery album. He’s gonna have to come harder than that if he’s looking to make an impact.

Eh, no matter what I say the Detox buzz will remain strong. But will we EVER see the album? Dre claims it will be released next year. Uh huh. I hear 50-year-old chess players are optimistic like that.

No matter, y’all will still be waiting. Patiently.
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